


Standing on the Threshold

by ten9



Series: I Am My Beloved’s [6]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Disturbing Themes, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-09
Updated: 2011-05-09
Packaged: 2017-10-19 04:25:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ten9/pseuds/ten9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Author’s notes: Thanks for all the emails asking where the hell this part was.  Every time I think of another installment it stubbornly ends up being two parts instead of one and parts 6 and 7 have been real bears to structure and outline… then I had to move, so that stomped all over my writing time too.  Anyway, thank you again for all the feedback.  Hope you enjoy it….</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standing on the Threshold

**Author's Note:**

> These characters are owned by their respective studios and producers; I make no profit from these stories, they are provided for personal use only and remain the copyright of the author. They may not be reproduced either in whole, in part or posted elsewhere without permission.

**I Am My Beloved’s**

**Part 6**

**Standing on the Threshold**

 

 

 

“So, tell me, how much sleep did you get last night?”

A smile, “Nearly six hours total.”

 

“And how many times did you wake up?”

 

The smile faded slightly, “Just once.”

 

A quirked eyebrow was her only response.

 

“From a nightmare.”

 

“It was a bad one, Dine, but she managed to sleep for another two hours after that.”  Janet squeezed the hand she was holding.

 

“Appetite?”

 

“Pretty good, I was hungry this morning.”

 

“Good, and lunch?”

 

“Both lunch and dinner were pretty good, but I’m still taking meds for the nausea.”

 

Diane leaned back in her chair and propped a foot on the coffee table between them, “And that’s okay for now, Sam, I should think Janet will soon be able to fade those back.”  She stopped for a moment to sip her tea and regard the couple sitting on her couch; in spite of Janet’s recent hair cut and added highlights, both she and her wife still looked pretty ragged.  But there was an unmistakable shine in the eyes that peered tiredly at her.  Since Sam’s integration of her horrific experience with the Tian, both women were finally on the mend.  The road to recovery they would travel would be an ordeal, but Diane had no doubt these two would not only survive it, but thrive.  Together, they were a force to be reckoned with,

 

“And now tell me about the nightmare.”

 

“It was just…” Sam’s voice faded and she shook her head, pressing her lips shut against the sudden surge of emotion.  She swallowed with difficulty and cleared her throat, “A bad nightmare about the rapes.  At first I was seeing Jolinar’s rape through her eyes and suddenly I was on the Tian ship…”

 

“What?”  Janet turned to her, “Jolinar?”

 

Sam eyes suddenly turned fearful and she stammered, “I… yes… I-I-I…” she hiccupped and swallowed, clenching her teeth, “Jolinar was raped on the planet we rescued my dad from.”  She turned brimming eyes from Diane back to Janet before looking down at the small hand she held in her own, “Jolinar was raped and tortured on that planet… and I carry her memories…” tears dripped from her eyes and onto their joined hands.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  Janet asked, her voice a quiet whisper in the silent room.

 

A long moment passed before Sam finally answered, “Would you believe me if I told you it slipped my mind?”  She snorted in wry amusement and looked back down at their clasped hands and entwined fingers, sniffing and swiping at the tears with her free hand.

 

Janet was silent for several long beats then murmured softly, “Yeah, I guess I would.”  She pulled Sam’s hand to her and placed a soft kiss against the back of her fingers.  When she looked up she noted Diane’s eyebrows were raised again, “Sam and SG1 did save her father, but Sam was tortured by Apophis and…”

 

“With that hallucinogenic drug and the painstick?”  Both women nodded.  Diane remembered reading that particular report; Sam had been abused by memories of losing her mother and later had a painstick applied to her back in an attempt to procure information from a member of the Tok’ra.  Col. Carter had had suffered much on that mission.  “But why didn’t you at least tell Janet?”

 

Sam shook her head, “So much happened to us during that mission… and by the time Apophis….” Sam’s voice trailed off and Janet softly stroked the back of the hand she held with her thumb, “By the time I got back I had my own memories to deal with…”

 

Diane and Janet waited patiently.

 

“Anyway,” Sam cleared her throat again and sniffed, “That was it… the nightmare, and I woke up…” she looked apologetically at her wife, “screaming.” She added in a low voice, “I woke up screaming.”

 

“She did.”  Janet quietly concurred, “We were only awake for a little while, though.  Then we went back to sleep and I think she slept soundly after that.”  Sam nodded in agreement.

 

Sam continued to have horrible nightmares, but Janet had to admit since remembering her treatment at the hands of the Tian they were slowly becoming less frequent and when she did have a nightmare she seemed able to go back to sleep more easily and appeared to sleep deeply, safely sheltered in Janet’s arms.

 

“And that is the only other experience; the memories of Jolinar’s rape, that is the only other time you have experienced rape?”

 

Janet’s eyes narrowed and she unconsciously pulled Sam’s hand onto her lap.

 

“Sam?”

 

Sam drew a ragged breath, “I tried to rape Janet.”

 

“You did not!”  Janet hissed then turned to Diane, “She didn’t, Dine, it was a long time ago and she had contracted a parasitic virus…”

 

“I attacked her in the infirmary.”  Sam looked away, her voice breaking, “I don’t even remember going there… I just remember grabbing her by her shirtfront…” She hiccupped and pressed trembling lips together.  She shook her head from side to side, as if she could shake the images from her mind.  She could remember planting her mouth over Janet’s and grunting in pleasure at her wife’s taste and scent, plunging her tongue wildly in her mouth as she backed her forcefully against one of the beds.  Janet had desperately tried to pull her mouth from Sam’s and call for help as she roughly grabbed at her breasts and tore at her clothes.  She could still vividly remember the primitive sounds of protest that tore from her throat when Janet finally succeeded in calling for help and the howling noises of loss… the growls of challenge she made when the two burly SF’s finally pulled her off and Janet struggled to sedate her.  She remembered wanting to take Janet right then and there.  To ram her hand inside her pants and…

 

“And you contracted this virus on what planet?”

 

“P3X-797.”

 

Diane’s eyebrows rose again, “And why was there no mention of this in Sam’s medical file?”

 

Sam turned worried, red-rimmed eyes to Janet and she gave her a small, reassuring smile, “I didn’t think it was necessary under the circumstances.” and turned to face Diane again, “She didn’t mean it, Dine.  I omitted the incident at my discretion as the CMO… and as her wife.”  She sighed, “It was well within my authority to do so.”

 

“Perhaps, but did it ever occur to you that since Sam remembered the incident, she may have needed some counseling after she recovered from the virus?”

 

Janet opened her mouth to speak then shut it again; at the time she was grateful it had taken her several days to discover what combination of antihistamines would reverse the primitive effects, the last thing she wanted was for Sam to see the scratches and bruises on her back and breasts.

 

 “I felt terrible after… after I got better.”  Sam hurried, “and we talked about it… she told me it wasn’t my fault...”

 

“And I kept telling her that until she finally believed me.”

 

“And did you?”

 

Sam averted her eyes, “Yes, of course.”  She nodded then blatantly changed the subject, “And… tomorrow we’re going to PeredaVoy for some baseline exams.”

 

“Really?”  Diane drained her mug of the now cold tea.

 

“Yeah,” Sam seemed to sigh in relief, “We’re going with our friends to be evaluated to have our ova combined.  Or, rather, they’re going to see what they have to do to make me pregnant.”

 

Diane smiled, “Well, congratulations in advance, but you know that doesn’t excuse you from your sessions here with me?”

 

“I know, Dine,” Janet sat up straighter on the couch, “It’s only for tomorrow, we’ll be back on Friday.”

 

Sam fingered the scar through her eyebrow, “They’re also going to reduce some of my scar tissue…”

 

“They can do that?”  Diane suddenly realized the muscles that raised her eyebrows into her hairline were tired.

 

Janet grinned, “Pretty effectively from what I’ve been told.  Sam wants the scar above her eye and on her neck reduced… and I want to see what they can do for some of the scars on her back that are still painful.”  She drew a deep, careful breath, “I also want them to reduce the scars… the scars from the gunshot wound on her chest and the rapes she suffered…” Her voice faded, her chin trembling.  She wanted to continue, she wanted to say the words aloud so they would cease to have power over her but found she couldn’t.  Her eyes brimmed and Sam gave her hand a squeeze, adding,

 

“That may keep them busy for more than one visit.  But I hope they can work on them tomorrow.”  She pushed up the sleeve on her left arm, sliding the soft dark blue fabric of her pullover past her elbow, “I’m hoping they don’t get bored and will reduce these scars too.”  Diane noted the three long scars that ran lengthwise on the inside of Sam’s forearm from her wrist to within just a few inches of her elbow.

 

“Sam.”

 

Janet had whispered her name so softly Diane barely heard her as Sam suddenly froze then hurried to pull down the sleeve and folded her arms, holding them tightly beneath her breast.

 

Diane felt her eyebrows raise yet again, “What?”

 

***

 

“Are there _other_ options, General?”

 

Diane looked calmly at the older man and quietly waited for him to respond.

 

“We got some guys working on a kind of deep-freeze unit we found down in Antarctica a while back… Carter thinks if bad comes to worse, and you just _know it will_ … that we might be able to contain her in that.”

 

“And then?”

 

Gen. O’Neill rocked back in his chair and exhaled noisily through his nose, “Fuck, I don’t know, doc.”  He cocked his head tiredly at her, “Pardon my French.”  He scrubbed at his face with his hands, “But we need a plan and as soon as your number one patient has been dealt with I need to get Carter out of here.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Jack sighed again and dropped his hands onto the desk with a thump, “I know that you know all about Cassie and Sam and their… history with one another.  What you don’t know is after Doc Fraiser died Carter put in for a transfer to Area 51 and I wouldn’t let her go.”  He carefully entwined his fingers together and began slowly twirling one thumb around the other, “Cassie was so mad at her she thought it would be better if she just got out of her life and did a disappearing act in the desert.  But I shredded her request…  I thought the thing with Cassie would pass, you know?  I thought, Cassie is all she has left, she’ll eventually accept Fraiser’s passing and the two of them can be a family again….” Jack leaned back in his chair, his hands resting on the arms, “Boy, did I screw _that_ up.”

 

“General…”

 

“Doncha’ get it?  I didn’t want to believe Cassie was losing it, just like Carter I told myself Cassie’d get better.  I told myself that right up till the day Cassie almost killed her.”  His voice abruptly faded at the memory of how his hands desperately tried to stem the flow of blood from Carter’s throat and shoulder.  How she lay so still and pale on the control room floor he thought she had died and he screamed at her to stay with him.  How he watched from the observation room as Dr. Warner frantically worked to save her life and wondering if he should stop him, if he should just let Carter go home, just let her cross over and be with ol’ Doc Fraiser again.

 

It was his fault Carter was almost killed by Cassie, and then he made it worse when he forced her back into this world, a world without love… a world without Janet Fraiser.

 

Jack sniffed, “And that kid being able to slam down the shield on the observation window of her _very heavily_ shielded room _is a big fat message_ _to me_ , Doctor, that we need to find a way to put that girl on ice, _and I mean that literally_.”

 

“I agree that was a disturbing feat, General…”

 

“Yah,” Jack snorted, “ya’ think?”  He suddenly stood and smoothed down his shirtfront, “I’m putting that kid on ice and then I’m getting Carter out of here.  She deserves better than to live down here in the dark for the rest of her life….  So that’s my goal, Doctor, understand?”  Jack gave her a curt nod and abruptly left his office.

 

Diane sat quietly in the chair, a thoughtful expression on her face.

 

***

 

Diane sat quietly and finally Janet reached to take her wife’s hand again and pulled it slowly onto her lap.  She gently pushed the sleeve back up Sam’s arm, exposing the scars,

 

“Sam got these while on PX4-347.  She and Jack and Daniel became addicted to a light from a Goa’uld device they found there.”  She sighed, becoming lost for a moment in the still watery blue of Sam’s eyes, “They had to turn it off incrementally to keep from going into withdrawal…”

 

“I read about that.  Yours and SG1’s reports all stated Sam fell and injured herself on some sharp masonry?”

 

Janet shook her head, “The incremental shutdown was fine for the colonel and Daniel, but Sam’s physiology is different from theirs, and the steps down were still too broad for her….”

 

Diane had read the reports in detail and knew what happened to the parents of the sole inhabitant of that world, “Did you attempt suicide, Sam?”

 

Sam refused to look at her, “Yes.”  She answered quietly, her eyes downcast.  Janet lifted her chin with the tips of her fingers,

 

“It wasn’t your fault, sweetheart.”  She murmured, “It wasn’t.”

 

Sam slowly turned back to Diane, “I wasn’t thinking clearly,” she conceded, “I was convinced I’d never see her again…  I thought I was going to have to stay there forever and I…”

 

 _The waves slapped weakly against the shore and Sam had wearily closed her eyes, trying to hear Janet’s voice, trying to remember what her voice sounded like.  She had just heard her on the MALP that morning and standing there on the shore she found she was unable to remember the sound of her wife’s voice….   She had contemptuously snorted aloud at the only words that_ would _come to her; remembered words from a high school English lit course, “Heard, half heard, in the stillness between two waves of the sea.”_   _But this is no ocean, she had thought as her eyes brimmed and her chin trembled; and what a pathetic excuse for a beach this is_.  _It’s not so much a beach as it’s the edge of a swamp._

 

She had no idea how long she stood there.  Even now she wasn’t sure exactly when she sank to her knees on the sand, pulled up the sleeve on her black pullover and drew the knife from the sheath on the back of her belt…

 

She could remember wincing in pain when the blade sunk into her flesh but she couldn’t actually remember cutting herself, of slicing open the inside of her arm from her wrist halfway to her elbow.  She made three lengthwise slices, her tears dripping onto the arm that ran with her blood before Daniel found her, weeping for Janet.

 

Janet smoothed her fingers over the scars and Sam squeezed the hand that held her, “I just felt so hopeless…”

 

Janet’s voice was soft, “Teal’c was unaffected by the light, he brought her back through the gate so I could treat her.”  She had waited impatiently in the gateroom with a gurney and medical team, her heart catching in her throat as the strong Jaffa hurriedly half-carried, half-dragged her wife down the ramp.  SG1 did their best; wrapping Sam’s arm in one of the Daniel’s t-shirts; but the cuts were deep and they had rushed her to surgery.  Sam had sobbed in relief at the sight of her wife, incoherent words pouring from her in a rush as she clutched at her, refusing to let go, making Janet stand on the bottom rail of the gurney as the team hurried to the elevator. 

 

“She was so lucky, no permanent nerve or tendon damage.”  Janet smiled wistfully.  “It broke my heart to send her back through the gate as soon as she came out of surgery, and they had to step up the output from that goddamn light again and wean her off more slowly.”  She gave Sam’s hand a squeeze, “That was all she needed.”

 

Sam snorted softly, “Yah, that and lots of private pep talks through the MALP until we could come home.”

 

Janet smiled gently as Sam spoke, remembering the odd experience of sitting completely alone in the control room, telling Sam how much she loved her; to just hold on, promising it wouldn’t be much longer.  And once she finally was home, how Sam held her in a tight grip throughout the night for so many nights that followed, as though she was afraid she would wake up alone….

 

“And somehow everyone’s mission report failed to mention that particular incident?”  Diane found herself raising her eyebrows yet again.

 

“At the time Colonel O’Neill insisted Sam fell and cut herself and Teal’c was completely silent on the issue, saying only that he did not see what happened and Daniel was evasive as well… and I was occupied; it wasn’t until I started to get a handle on the wounds in surgery that I began to suspect how Sam really hurt herself.”  Janet shrugged, “Jack made it clear to me it never would have happened had they stepped the device down more slowly.  They just wanted to protect her, Dine.  Suicide attempts never look good on a service record, even one as amazing as Sam’s.”  Janet shrugged again, not knowing what else to say.

 

“Well,” Diane finally blinked, “you know everything said here is privileged, so your secret is safe with me, but no more, understand?”  Both women suddenly looked apprehensive and Diane noted how Sam tightened her grip on Janet’s hand, “I’ve had some time now to understand how the military works here and I think I understand your roles within it, but when bad things of tremendous significance happen to you, you have got to seek some counseling after the fact, at least.  Do you understand?”  Sam and Janet remained silent and Diane continued, “I think you both have spent a great deal of your lives together in a kind of constant, ‘us against the world mode’, or in your case, ‘against the universe’.  I know you both have each other; but you don’t need to handle everything alone, alright?”  Diane sat forward in the chair, “Almost no one on this planet has experienced life on the scale you two have.  But if you let me help you, if you _both_ let me help you,” she looked pointedly at Janet, “you can go back to getting a full night’s sleep, and you’ll actually heal.  So no more holding back, okay?”

 

“Okay.”  Janet whispered, her eyes brimming and her voice thick.

 

“Yes, ma’am.”  Sam murmured just as softly, making Janet smile even as a small sobbing noise broke from her.  She pulled Sam to her and placed a kiss on her temple, making Diane grin,

 

“Okay, let’s take a break; one cup of tea always becomes eight sitting in my bladder and I have to pee,” she rose from the chair, “as usual.” She added as she left the room.

 

Sam wrapped her arms around Janet, pulling her close, “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “It just slipped out.”

 

Janet sniffed and nuzzled against her neck, “It’s alright, sweetheart.  Dine’s right, we need to get this stuff out.  It’s okay.”  She pulled back and sniffed again, “She’s right; we need to do this, for us.”

 

Sam nodded, “For us.” And placed a kiss against her wife’s lips, “For us…” she whispered.

 

***

 

Lifting the sling, she eased her elbow onto the arm of the chair for support, taking the weight off her opposite shoulder.

 

“I need to know what happened that day, Sam.”

 

Sam let her head drop to one side, over the scar on her throat, her eyes closing against the memory.  Diane waited quietly while the blond woman collected her thoughts.

 

“Cassie came up behind me in the control room…” She began in the harsh whisper.

 

“No,” Diane interrupted her, “I need to know what happened the day Janet died.”

 

Sam’s head snapped forward; pained blue eyes begging.  She pressed her lips together, shaking her head from side to side.

 

“Please, Sam.”

 

“I thought you wanted to help Cassie…”

 

“I do.”

 

Sam closed her eyes briefly as she raised her head and drew a deep, shaky breath, “I…” Sam gulped, “She was killed, offworld….  She was killed in a firefight offworld and it seemed to take us forever to secure our position before I could get my people back through the gate…” Her eyes brimmed as she struggled to continue, the harsh rasp of whisper that was her voice laced with pain, “I picked her up and ran for the gate.  But she was killed the instant the staff blast hit her… She was killed….  That’s what happened that day…” pained eyes closed in misery, tears squeezing from the corners, “the day my wife died.” She sniffed and swiped at the tears on her face, shaking her head from side to side as she looked out the window of the woman’s office.  Unable to look at her, Sam stared at the steadily falling snow.

 

“And Cassie blamed you for her death?”

 

As if in answer, one traitorous tear slipped from Sam’s eye and slide down her cheek.

 

“And you feel your own life ended that day as well?”

A sob broke from Sam and she clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle it, nodding.

 

“I get the feeling that the only reason you’re still here is that you feel responsible for Cassie and her ‘condition’.”

 

Sam was unresponsive and Diane sat quietly for a moment, observing her.  She noted the fine tremor as Sam wiped at the tears that stubbornly stained her cheeks.  Diane had initially thought the bilateral tremors were caused by the injuries her daughter had inflicted on her; but the colonel’s medical file noted the presence of tremors in both hands after her wife was killed in the firefight offworld.  Since the attack by her daughter, the colonel received daily medication that evidently did little to relieve the pain in her arm and shoulder and Diane found it curious that her physician, Dr. Warner, continued to note in her chart the ongoing failure of an ever-changing pain management routine to quell the debilitating pain in her shoulder, arm and the tremor in her hands.  As though the man really thought the right combination of drugs could stop not just her physical pain but her emotional pain as well.

 

“Cassandra’s condition is not your fault.”

 

Sam seemed to nod and shake her head all at the same time.  Diane left her chair and walked around her desk, sitting in the chair next to her.  Sam shifted uncomfortably in her seat; tugging slightly on the black sling, she gently pulled her elbow off the arm of the chair and leaned back, trying to get a grip on her emotions.

 

“Your wife’s death isn’t your fault either.”

 

Sam’s tenuous resolve finally broke and she clapped a hand over her mouth again, unable to stop the sobs that broke from her.  Diane gently draped an arm around the woman’s back and softly cupped her face, pulling her against her shoulder and held her while she wept.

 

***

 

Janet dumped the load from the dryer onto the dining room table,

 

“Can I help?”  Sam asked as she started the dishwasher.

 

“Sure.”  Janet smiled, tossing her one end of the sheet.  She smiled as they folded the sheet in tandem, but when Sam finally stepped forward to silently hand the folded end to her wife, Janet asked, “You okay?”

 

Sam’s mouth worked silently for a moment before she walked past her to the dining room table and picked up a pillowcase and began folding it, “I have to tell you something…” Janet quietly turned to place the folded sheet on the table and sat down in the chair.  Sam placed the folded pillowcase on the folded sheet and sat in the chair next to her, “When Diane said…” She stopped and looked away, a sound of exasperation escaping her, “When Hathor held us captive on that planet…” Janet only nodded encouragingly, “When we finally made a break for the stargate and got caught…” Sam drew a deep breath; “She was trying to get the ID code from us…” Sam stopped in her narration, unable to control the sudden waver in her voice.

 

“And she implanted the colonel with the symbiote?”  Janet added helpfully.

 

Sam nodded, “Yes, but… before that.  Before that she had her guards pull me aside and she…” Sam stared at the pile of sheets on the table, not seeing them, “The guards held me while she slid a hand into the clothes I was wearing and touched me…”

 

_Hathor stood close while her fingers pinched and rolled Sam’s nipple inside her clothes, “Mmm,” she had breathed, “You are quite as beautiful as Our Beloved is handsome.”  Sam had pressed her lips together, her head turned away as she struggled against the strong hands that held her arms pinned painfully behind her.  Hathor had squeezed and palmed her breast and then pulled her hand from her jacket only to then turn and smile smugly at an outraged Jack and Daniel as they struggled against the guards that held them.  She slid her hand inside the white slacks Sam wore and squeezed her mound, “Are you quite certain you will not reveal the code that opens your Stargate?” Sam cried out both from humiliation and the pain in her shoulders and arms, struggling as Hathor roughly forced her fingers between Sam’s folds and shoved two fingers deep inside, making her cry out, roughly stroking the tender inner flesh until her sobs and Jack and Daniel’s screams to stop made Hathor laugh with delight and she finally pulled her fingers from inside, “If you will not give us the information we desire, we do have another means of retrieving it.”_

 

Janet’s face froze in horror as Sam recounted the abuse.  She could feel her eyes brim as Sam fought to control the quaver in her voice and chin,

 

“She made them watch… and I couldn’t stop her… I couldn’t…” Sam sniffed, blinking furiously, “She put her fingers in her mouth…” Her voice faded and she stopped again, turning pained eyes to her wife, “I never told you…” She shook her head miserably from side to side; “I couldn’t Janet… I’m sorry, but I couldn’t.  I just wanted to forget it ever happened, and I guess the colonel and Daniel felt the same way because they never mentioned it in their reports or ever spoke to me about it… not that I can blame them, I didn’t want to…”

 

Janet left the chair she was sitting on and crossed the distance between them in two steps and climbed onto Sam’s lap.  She wrapped her arms around her wife, holding her close, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”  She whispered against her hair, her voice thick, “I’m so sorry, baby.”

 

Sam held her tight as the tears finally broke from her and she sobbed against her wife’s chest.  The memory of feeling Hathor’s fingers ramming inside her, the overwhelming shame…  Janet held her as she cried; murmuring soft words as tears slid from the corners of her tightly closed eyes.  Minutes passed as Sam wept brokenly, and when their tears finally began to subside, Sam whispered,

 

“I know I have to tell Diane….  But I wanted to tell you first,” she turned her tear-stained face to Janet’s, “I’m sorry…”

 

Janet sniffed, “Its okay, sweetheart.”  She whispered, “I love you, Sam.  I love you so much.”  She bent her head and placed a gentle kiss against trembling lips.

 

“I love you.”  She whispered back, as Janet placed another kiss on her temple.

 

“Let’s go to bed.”  Janet whispered in her ear, “I need to hold you for a long while.”

 

~

 

“Doctor Dawbray, you remember Colonel Carter.”

 

Crinkles appeared at the corners of the older man eyes as he pulled Sam into a warm embrace,” Yes, of course I do, Vala.” The hug was warm and affectionate, though he still hugged the tall woman carefully, having read the medical report sent in advance of their arrival.  After a moment he finally pulled away, “And this must be your lovely wife, Janet.”  He held out his hand formally to the petite woman, “Doctor Fraiser, we finally meet.” and drew her into a hug as well, “It will be our great honor to assist the four of you in the creation of the deepest expression of your love for one another.”  He stepped back, “Please, this way.”

 

Sam took Janet’s hand long enough to pull her close and drop her arm around her shoulder as they walked through the hospital’s doors.  The entry hall was enormous; huge windows looked onto a vast, shinning sea that covered nearly three-quarters of PeredaVoy.  Sam was so happy and excited she felt a little lightheaded and breathed carefully in through her nose and out her mouth, content to walk with her wife beside her as Vala chatted with the doctor.  _Today is a new beginning, or rather, another beginning_ , Sam thought.  Feeling suddenly drunk with joy she swept Janet off the floor and spun her briefly.

 

“Sam!”  Janet laughed, her eyes sparkling, “Quit it you goof.”  She chuckled, without an ounce of reprimand in her voice.

 

“It is an auspicious beginning to be sure…” The older man turned briefly to smile at the pair.

 

***

 

“Cassie?”

 

“Go away.”

 

“Please, kiddo, I just wanted to say…”

 

“Go, or I’ll slam the blast shield down so hard I’ll actually blast the shield.”  Cassie turned away from the Plexiglas, snickering at her own joke.  She lay back on the bed, her eyes closed for several long minutes until she forgot Sam was in the observation room.  So she was startled when she heard the harsh whisper again,

 

“I’m sorry she died Cassie.  I loved her too… and I still love you, kiddo.  I always will.”

 

Cassie heard the hitch in her parent’s voice; she knew tears were sliding down her face,

 

“Get out.”

 

***

 

Dr. Dawbray schooled his face into a neutral expression as he opened the gown Sam wore, but he was still shocked at the profusion of scars that crisscrossed the woman’s back.

 

“The deep one on her right shoulder is particularly painful.”  Janet stood in front of her wife and held her hand as Sam sat on the exam table.  Dr. Dawbray could only nod as he passed gentle fingers alongside the deep scar, watching as the skin and muscles beneath twitched uncontrollably.

 

“Sorry.”  He murmured when he saw Sam press her lips together and breathe determinedly in through her nose.  He held a light-emitting scanner over the scar and studied a monitor on a nearby cart as he passed the device over the area.  He had already examined the scars on her face, neck and chest and was astonished at the abuse this woman had suffered.  Her medical history was staggering, surpassed only by her recent experiences involving an alternate reality device.  He carefully recorded the data and put the scanner back on the tray.  He stepped around his patient and sat on a low stool,

 

“Well, Colonel,” he smiled, “I believe we can definitely reduce, if not eliminate the pain in your shoulder.  And we’re going to work on these others, including these,” he gently turned her hand up to indicate the scars on the inside of her forearm, “and I’ll see what I can do about the others when we do your pelvic exam, alright?”

 

Sam seemed to sigh in relief and nodded, “Thank you.”  She looked at Janet, who only smiled and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze,

 

“Yes, thank you.”  Janet beamed at him; “I hope you won’t mind if I ask some questions while you work, your technology is so different from ours.”

 

“Not at all,” he beamed back, “please do.”  He rose from the stool, “Let’s get started then, shall we?”

 

Janet stepped around to the side of the exam table and as Sam reclined Dr. Dawbray pushed a series of buttons on a control panel.  Silently, cushioned sections of the exam table began to shift and move, ergonomically sliding around Sam to properly support her body.  Traditional-looking stirrups emerged from the end of the table as Dr. Dawbray discreetly draped Sam from the waist down and he smoothly guided her heels, one at a time, into the stirrups.

 

“It’s usually pointless to say this, but try to relax.”  He smiled at her as he turned to adjust a light behind him.

 

Sam clutched Janet’s hand. “Okay.”  She said, smiling at Janet.

 

The genial smile faded from Dr. Dawbray’s lips when he finally peered under the sheet.  He had carefully steeled himself for this moment, but the dry, clinical rendering in Col. Carter’s medical records clearly did nothing to soften the shock and he struggled to maintain a professional composure as he examined the scars between the colonel’s legs.  How a sentient being could inflict such pain and suffering on another was utterly incomprehensible to him.  He could feel a lump forming in his throat as he passed the scanner over scars that extended from inside the colonel’s thighs and up into her folds and innermost regions.  He had a daughter her age _... if anything like this ever happened to her…._   He slammed his professional demeanor back into place, determined to help this woman overcome the indignities inflicted upon her.

 

“Very good, Colonel…”

 

“Please call me Sam.”

 

He could see she was making every effort to relax, but he noted how tightly her hands gripped both her wife’s hand and the sheet.

 

“Alright, Sam, in order to examine you I will need to insert an instrument that is programmed to travel up through your cervix, into your uterus and from there will scan your fallopian tubes and ovaries.”  He quickly rose from the stool when he saw the color drain from her face.  He stepped around the exam table across from Janet and took her hand in his, “This will take several minutes, Sam, and I can sedate you so you won’t feel a thing.”

 

Janet stroked her fingers through the feathered, blond locks, “Let him, sweetheart,” she murmured, “I’ll be right here the whole time.”

 

Sam allowed herself to sink into the calm of Janet’s eyes for a brief moment before shaking her head, “Its okay, go ahead.”

 

“I can give you a reversal agent when I’m done that will wake you right back up again…”

 

Sam still shook her head but Janet looked uncertain, “Sam…”

 

“Really,” Sam smiled at her, “its okay.” and placed a quick kiss on the back of her knuckles.

 

“Alright...” Dr. Dawbray gave her hand a pat and walked back around to the foot of the table and held up a probe resembling an endoscope; a narrow black cylinder attached to the control panel by a black cable and began applying lubricant to the cylinder.  Janet gave Sam’s hand a reassuring squeeze, noting her increased respiration and tightening grip.

 

“Sorry.”  She smiled nervously.

 

“It’ll be okay.”  Janet whispered.

 

“Here we go, now.” Dr. Dawbray inserted the probe as gently as possible, but a small sound of distress still escaped Sam’s lips, “Tell me if you want to stop, Sam.”

 

Sam pressed her lips together and shook her head, “No,” she muttered unconvincingly, “I’m okay.”

 

Dr. Dawbray held the cable as the probe extended itself inside Sam’s vagina and it made a humming noise as it vibrated softly inside.  _It’s just Janet_ , she told herself determinedly, _just pretend its Janet pushing a vibrator inside you…_   Dr. Dawbray watched the screen as it extended an even smaller probe from its tip that carefully negotiated its way up through her cervix.  Another small cry of distress broke from Sam and she arched her back on the exam table, causing the sensors to adjust the cushions to her new position.

 

“Easy, Sam.”  Janet cupped her face, hurriedly stroking her cheek and forehead, “Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart… Sam?”

 

Sam turned fearful eyes to her, “I’m sorry…” she panted, her eyes brimmed and her body shook with the effort to force her back and hips back down against the exam table.

 

Dr. Dawbray looked nervously from the screen to the women, “Do you want me to stop?”

 

“No!”  Sam’s voice broke, “I’m sorry…” Tears spilled from her eyes and ran down the sides of her face and into her hairline, “Just hold me, okay?”  She looked desperately at Janet, clutching at her, “Please, please…”

 

“Okay,” Janet pulled her forward slightly and into her arms, “okay, shhh, sweetheart, its okay to stop...” and turned to Dr. Dawbray.

 

“No!”  Sam pleaded, “I need him to do this, just don’t let go.”

 

Dr. Dawbray fumbled with the controls to lower the exam table so Janet could sit next to her wife as she held her,

 

“Okay… okay, baby,” she soothed, her arms wrapped tight around her, “just hang on to me, I’m right here…” The words poured from her as she resisted the urge to rock her wife in her arms.  She could feel Sam shaking against her and she squeezed her eyes tightly closed, determined to keep her voice steady, “Just hold on…”

 

Sam forced herself to swallow against the enormous lump in her throat; her reaction had taken her by surprise, _I really thought I’d be okay for this_.  She silently chastised herself, feeling the betrayal of her own body as it shook uncontrollably in Janet’s arms.  She hung on tight; her head buried in Janet’s neck as she felt the probe push and slide and extend its way into the most intimate regions of her body.  _It’s not the Tian device, it’s not.  It’s just Janet,_ she told herself; _just pretend its Janet giving you a pelvic exam…._   Another involuntary cry broke from her and she pressed even closer, panting breathlessly.

 

Janet turned to look nervously at the Voyan physician, “Hang on, sweetheart.”  She soothed, “not much longer now.”

 

Sam barely heard her, _just pretend it’s Janet inside you; just pretend she’s doing something kinky… yeah, what the hell; something really kinky that makes me pregnant._   Sam pressed her lips together and tried to relax the hands that gripped Janet’s desert fatigues in tightly balled fists but she was unable to open her fingers.

 

Dr. Dawbray’s eyes bored into the screen as he waited for the probe to finish recording the data and hurried to enter the command to retract when the exam was finally complete.  An audible sigh of relief broke from Sam when she finally felt the probe begin to withdraw, but she still trembled uncontrollably and when the doctor pulled the probe from her opening she bit off a cry and immediately curled herself into a ball around Janet and sobbed quietly against her chest.

 

Heaving a sigh of relief and rising somewhat shakily, Dr. Dawbray quietly walked around the exam table and placed a gentle hand on Janet’s shoulder; “I’ll give you a few minutes.” he murmured and quietly left the room.

 

Janet lay Sam back against the cushions on the exam table but made no move to let go.  She rubbed her cheek against Sam’s hair, “It’s okay, baby… shhh, easy now…” She whispered words of reassurance to her for long minutes before she finally moved a hand to stroke her face and placed a kiss against her forehead, “Sam?”

 

“I can’t open my hands.”  She sniffed and mumbled, miserable.  She could feel Janet sigh in relief against her forehead,

 

“It’s okay, sweetheart.”  She whispered, and as she slowly sat up she reached around and gently pulled Sam’s fists from the back of her jacket.  She eased the hands around her body and pressed them down in her lap, “Hey.” She beckoned softly, and quickly shrugged out of her jacket.  She used one sleeve to gently wipe first Sam’s face, then her own before draping it across the sheet that covered Sam’s legs.  She turned back to massage the hands, one at time; “Don’t you dare apologize.”  She smiled down at her.

 

An exasperated sound erupted from Sam and she shook her head, “I swear I didn’t think that would happen…” She stopped herself before admitting in a still shaky voice, “I guess that’s why Diane wanted us to wait.”

 

Janet lifted the hand to her lips, kissing first the back, then the palm, “Yeah, I guess so.”  She placed the now open hand against her chest and began massaging the other, “Do you want to wait, sweetheart?”  She continued even as Sam shook her head, “Its okay, Sam.  It’s okay to wait; we’re not in a rush, right?”

 

“I know,” Sam brushed the backs of her still cramped fingers against her wife’s cheek, “but I want to be okay, _now_ , Janet, and I will be, as long as I have you here with me, alright?”  Janet fell into the earnest shade of watery blue, “I promise…”

 

“I love you, Samantha Carter,” she husked, “I will always be here with you, understand?”  Sam finally graced her with a small smile at her tone; “But Doctor Dawbray will have to go back inside to reduce the scar tissue, not to mention when he extracts viable ova from you…”

 

Sam sniffed, “Next time he should sedate me, okay?” an amused, half-snort erupted from Janet and Sam smiled again.  Her voice till shook but her eyes looked determinedly into Janet’s, “Please, Janet.” She implored softly, “please…”

 

“Okay.” Janet smiled somewhat tremulously, and holding Sam’s hands against her chest with one hand, leaned down to softly cup her wife’s face with the other and gently placed her lips against Sam’s.  They kissed sweetly, lips and tongues softly caressing until Sam began to hum quietly.  Janet chuckled against her mouth and finally sat up.

 

~

 

Daniel and Vala were waiting for them by the enormous windows in the hospital’s lounge area.  Vala happily waved to them and drew Janet into a breathless hug and practically jumped into Sam’s arms when she turned to hug her too,

 

“How did it go?”  Vala gave Sam a slight shake, “Hey!  Look, Daniel!  The scar is gone!”  She peered closely at Sam’s eyebrow, “You can hardly tell there was anything there before, can you?  I must say; they did a really spectacular job, Sam…”

 

Daniel pulled Janet to him for a hug as well and noted the look of exhausted relief in the women’s eyes, “I understand we have an hour till Janet and I have our exams, so I take it the four of us can have some lunch?”  He inclined his head to the opposite side of the lounge, “The smells have been making my mouth water… so how about it?  Hungry?”  He smiled at Sam.

 

“Yeah, I’m starvin’.” She grinned as Vala closely examined the now nearly invisible scar on her neck.

 

Daniel willed his eyebrows not to creep up his forehead, relieved that Sam still had an appetite.  Together, the foursome made their way across the great lounge to the restaurant-like area of the hospital.  When they had settled down to their meal Janet described how Dr. Dawbray had treated the scars on Sam’s face and neck and pointed out the window to the vast simmering sea,

 

“It turns out there are over two thousand cetacean species on this planet.  Which, I guess comes as no great surprise when more than three-quarters of this world is covered in water.” And sipped from her water glass, “Evidently, some of their ancestors actually learned to communicate with some of these species…”

 

“Excuse me?” Daniel sputtered, _“Are you kidding?_   They communicate with whales here?”

 

Janet shrugged, smiling, “Apparently, and how they communicate with them was largely the basis of the development for the bulk of their technology, especially their medical sciences.”

 

Daniel stared at her, open-mouthed and Vala put down her fork to laugh at him, “Oh my, it isn’t often you’re rendered speechless, my darling.”

 

Sam snickered and propped her elbow on the table, resting the side of her face tiredly against her fist.

 

“Well, b-b-but that’s amazing… and did it really never occur to them that I might be interested in that?”  He sighed heavily and stabbed in frustration at his food.  He glanced briefly at Sam and did a double take, “You feeling okay?”

 

Sam nodded, trying not to yawn, “Yeah, we just had a big morning…”

 

Janet smiled and kept chewing; the instrument Dr. Dawbray used to reduce Sam’s scars utilized sound waves to regenerate skin cells, in fact, most of the technology on PeredaVoy was based originally on sound waves.  He explained as he worked on Sam that by regulating the quality and quantity of the waves they could regenerate skin cells, muscle tissue, bone, and that this same vibrational technology would be largely responsible for combining their ova and was also the catalyst for the technology that would enable their babies to shed the naquada and protein markers after Sam and Vala gave birth. 

 

“Much like your magnetic resonance devices ours uses a vibrational resonance that collects data vibrationally, using sound waves, on both discrete and indiscrete cellular structures, blood gases and so on… and from that we can produce three-dimensional images as well as speed cell production…”

 

She had held Sam’s hand to her heart, speechless, as she watched him pass the wand-like device over Sam’s forearm, the soft green light making her skin tingle slightly as the three scars slowly faded to three thin, faint lines.  Sam had smiled happily at her, and Dr. Dawbray definitely seemed to relax as he sat back so both women could admire his work.  He had chosen to work on Sam’s forearm first so she could watch and he could keep his initial contact to a minimum.  He then worked on the scar on her chest, and although he was only able to fade the angry red color and eliminate the scar’s sensitivity, both women were again pleased with the result.  He then worked on the scars through her eyebrow and beneath her earlobe on her neck, slowly working closer until he finally had her sit up so he could work on the deep, painful scar across the back of her shoulder.  And even though Sam was still fairly relaxed at that point he was still pleased when both women agreed to let him put Sam in a twilight-like sleep state before working on the scars from the rapes between her legs that extended into her vagina and the slight ridges of scar tissue in her anus.  She stroked the shaggy bangs from Sam’s closed eyes as Dr. Dawbray described, as discreetly as he could, the scars as he reduced them.

 

Janet cleared her throat past the lump that still tried to form there and continued to eat as Daniel and Vala chatted animatedly about their own experience that morning as their doctor repaired the damage Vala’s reproduction system suffered during her own experience as a host for a Goa’uld.

 

~

 

It was early evening when the four returned to Earth and Sam insisted she was ravenous so, before leaving the base, Janet ordered a pizza to be delivered to their home, hoping it wouldn’t arrive before they did.  They pulled up just as the delivery boy was about to leave and Sam jumped out to retrieve their dinner.  Janet made salads for them both and even allowed Sam a half a beer to celebrate their successful day.

 

She closed the box and placed the leftover pizza in the fridge, “It’s pretty late sweetheart; do you want to watch TV for awhile?”

 

Sam closed the dishwasher, “Only if you want to.”

 

Janet smiled and turned to switch off the kitchen light, “No way, that’s code for you’ll fall asleep and I’ll have to prod you awake and drag you to bed….” She pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her, “Wanna’ fool around till bedtime?”  Sam grinned and dipped her head for a lingering kiss, “Mmm…” Janet hummed against her mouth, “I guess that means yes…” She murmured before pulling her from the room.

 

They had turned off lights and, in keeping with her nightly routine; Sam checked the already locked doors and windows as she followed her wife.  She left the bedroom door open when she entered, watching as Janet turned down their bed and sat tiredly on the mattress and pulled off her socks,

 

“Too tired to make out?”  Janet asked quietly as she took the socks from Sam’s hand and tossed them towards the hamper.

 

Sam grinned as she flopped back on the bed and unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, “Man, I hope not.”  Lifting her hips she pushed down her jeans and underwear, her smile turning tender as Janet pulled them off and tossed them toward the hamper too, “Stop helping me and get undressed.”  She chided; a soft chuckle in her voice.

 

Without a word Janet smiled and reaching under the back of her sweater, unhooked her bra one-handed then unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans as she walked toward the hamper.  When she got there she deftly slipped out of her clothes and dropped them in the hamper and returned to the bed.

 

Sam had removed her shirt and bra and slipped beneath the covers, “C’mere...” She murmured softly, holding out her hand.

 

Janet only smiled, “Turn over…” She said as she opened the drawer on her bedside table.

 

“Oh my, Doctor Fraiser,” Sam purred as she obliged, “Is it time for another exam?”

 

Janet’s grin broadened and she snickered, “Ah think we have had enough of that today, Colonel.”  She withdrew a bottle of lotion and climbed onto the bed, “I thought a backrub would be in order after all you’ve been through…” Her voice faded, suddenly at a loss for words.

 

Sam turned onto her back again and pulled her down for a deep kiss that lasted for several minutes.  When they finally parted Janet raised her head to look down into smoldering blue as Sam stroked her lips and face with her thumbs and fingers,

 

“What _we’ve_ been through, Janet.”  She husked, “I’m not in this alone….  _We’ve_ been through a lot today and I just want to spend the night holding you… please.”  She whispered as she pulled her down for another smoldering kiss.

 

The bottle of lotion temporarily forgotten on the mattress beside her, Janet wrapped her arms securely around both Sam’s shoulders and rested her full weight on her as their tongues twirled in each other’s mouths with increasing passion.  When Janet felt a knee push up between her legs she disengaged her mouth from Sam’s,

 

“Sammmmph…” She mumbled, snorting softly with amusement.  She sat up and searched for the bottle of lotion on the bed, “Come on, sweetheart, I really do want to give you a back rub.”

 

Sam wrinkled her nose, “And I love that you want to, but I don’t want to fall asleep yet…”

 

“Don’t worry,” Janet grinned broadly as she urged her to turn over onto her stomach again and straddled her, “Ah’ am certain Ah’ can find a way to rouse y’all, Colonel…” She bent to briefly lick her earlobe and breathed hotly in her ear, “Trust me…” She whispered. 

 

“Okay.” Sam closed her eyes and smiled as she stretched out on the mattress beneath her.  Janet carefully warmed the lotion in her hands before smoothing it across her wife’s shoulders.  She had yet to examine Dr. Dawbray’s work up close since returning through the gate and she had an overwhelming desire to inspect Sam’s reduced scars up close with both her eyes and her hands.

 

“Tell me if there’s any pain, sweetheart.”  She whispered.

 

Sam’s smile turned wistful against the sheet; she knew full well what Janet was up to and closed her eyes in contentment, at ease with allowing her wife to allay any lingering concern about the treatment afforded her by another physician.  Janet slowly worked the lotion into her shoulders; careful not to work the muscles too deeply as her eyes and fingers smoothed over both smooth skin and scar tissue.  Sam’s back and shoulders were still covered in scars from gunshot wounds, burns and whip marks, and Janet carefully watched her for any sign of discomfort as she cautiously smoothed over what used to be the deep scar over her right shoulder.  Sam lay still beneath her, clearly relaxed, her breath deep and easy.

 

“This feels okay?”  She asked as she smoothed over the still visible scar.

 

“Mmm-hmmm.”  Sam mumbled; her eyes still closed.

 

Janet sighed in relief as she worked the muscles beneath her hands.  Minutes passed as she worked her way down Sam’s back, her eyes silently cataloging each scar as she worked her way down, across her buttocks and legs.  Sam had been asleep for several minutes when she was finally ready to work on her other side,

 

“Turn over, sweetheart.”  She murmured as she tugged at her hips.  Sam sleepily obliged and Janet quietly lay down, resting her length on top of her.  She briefly nuzzled her neck with her nose and lips then began licking and tasting her way down the length of her body, “Just one more look…” she breathed against her skin; closely examining with her eyes, fingers and tongue the newly reduced scar on her chest before closing her mouth around a softened nipple.  She gently sucked and mouthed the flesh, closing her lips around the nipple that responded so readily to her touch, growing hard as she suckled.  She moved to the other breast and groaned into Sam’s flesh, her own ardor rising.  Sam’s moans indicated she was more wakeful so Janet licked her way down to her center with more purpose, pushing her legs apart, anxious now to examine the reduced scars between her legs.

 

Sam sleepily stroked her fingers through Janet’s hair, letting loose a contented sigh as she helpfully spread her legs wider on the mattress.  Janet softly stroked her inner thighs; the scars were nearly invisible now, and likely would be to anyone else.  But Janet’s questing fingers could still feel the slightest ridges of remaining scar tissue as she smoothed over her thighs and up into her folds.  Dr. Dawbray said it was possible they would eventually fade completely with time, but Janet would always know they were there.  She would always know what Sam had gone through, how she had been tormented, abused, the agony she had suffered….  She felt her eyes brim and her vision blurred and she blinked back the sudden tears and caressed Sam’s inner folds, making her moan deep in her throat and arch against Janet’s hand.  She sniffed and smiled, inhaling Sam’s powerful scent of arousal and dragged her tongue from Sam’s perineum through slick, engorged folds to the hooded clitoris, humming when she felt the small, hardened nub quiver and throb beneath her questing, laving tongue.

 

Sam moaned aloud, definitely awake now, _“Oh, god, Janet…”_

 

She replaced her tongue with her thumb and pulled back a moment to gaze her wife’s opening again; her thumb stroking in cadence with Sam’s now rocking hips, “Easy, sweetheart,” she murmured as her other thumb gently pushed her open further.  She looked at the glistening inner walls, watching with reverence as silken droplets emerged from the quivering, engorged flesh, suddenly aware of the flood of moist arousal between her own legs,

 

“Oh Sam,” she breathed, “you are so beautiful…”

 

She finally lowered her head and stretched out her tongue to collect the sweet nectar, moaning as she licked and sucked.  Sam began to undulate against her more forcefully as Janet feasted with more purpose.  She laved the inner walls as far as her tongue would reach and finally replaced her tongue with first one, then two fingers, sucking as much of the thickly engorged folds into her mouth as she could, furiously tonguing them as her thumb rubbed Sam’s clit and her fingers stroked the convulsing inner channel with increasingly powerful thrusts, curling them as she pumped inside.

 

Sam gripped her wife’s hair and pulled her even tighter against her opening, her free hand gripping the sheet, crying out as she bucked against Janet’s mouth and fingers, _“Oh god!   Oh god, Janet!”_   Her back arched off the mattress even as her hips continued their wild, frenzied, undulations.  Her eyes squeezed tightly closed and she began to cry as she climaxed, her body going rigid.  She panted wildly as she sobbed; her brain only dimly aware that she was ejaculating in heavy spurts into Janet’s mouth.

 

Janet held on as the orgasm tore from Sam’s body, determined to ride it out.  It wasn’t until she felt the hot juices exploding against the lips she had fixed over her impaling fingers that she began to cry.  As she drank from her wife’s bucking, trembling form the tears flowed down her face and into her mouth, blending with her saliva and Sam’s cum.  The free hand she had wrapped around Sam’s thigh squeezed as she pressed her mouth even more firmly against Sam’s body, her own muffled cries of unrestrained joy drowned out by Sam’s cries of release.

 

Sam’s hands finally went slack and as she shakily eased down into the mattress Janet rested her head briefly against the inside of a slack, trembling thigh.  She blinked the tears from her eyes and listened as Sam’s moans and breathing slowed; content to simply rest for a moment and gaze again at the still quivering folds and opening, licking them clean and suckling the juices from her fingers.

 

Sam’s chest still heaved when she again reached down to stroke the hair that was still slightly longer and darker than her own, “J’net?”  She struggled between labored breaths, “Janet?”  She repeated.

 

Janet crawled her way back up Sam’s body, stopping to suckle briefly at her breast.  Sam closed her eyes and groaned, placing her hands beneath Janet’s arms she pulled, lifting her, sliding her hand under a leg, encouraging her to straddle her.  Janet grabbed the headboard with one hand and wiped the tears from her face with the other.  She didn’t know if she could survive an orgasm after what she had just experienced, but she was too tired to object.

 

She groaned aloud when she felt Sam’s thumbs spread her wide and slipped her tongue into her burning hot center.  She gripped the headboard with both hands and squeezed her eyes shut tight against the onslaught of Sam’s madly thrusting tongue.  Her arms wrapped firmly around Janet’s thighs, Sam pulled her down against her mouth and tongue, ramming her stiffened tongue up inside her wife as hard and fast as she could, sucking and swallowing the nectar that poured from her.  She grunted against the flesh, knowing Janet would come fast and hard.

 

A cry tore from Janet’s throat as she ground herself against Sam’s demanding mouth.  She could feel the jolts of hot ejaculate burst from her as Sam continued to plunge her tongue inside, moaning noises issuing from her chest as she frantically drank from her convulsing body.

 

 _“Oh… oh god…. OH GOD!”_   Janet cried out, over and over, until the words gradually faded and she finally sagged against the headboard, sobbing, her body still violently trembling.

 

Sam feasted at a slower pace, nuzzling her wife’s center as she licked away the cum and juices that remained.  Janet continued to weep and, finally coming to her senses enough to be concerned, Sam placed one last reverent kiss against Janet’s still quivering opening and pulled at her gently, shifting her pelvis onto her chest until Janet let go of the headboard and moved back down until she again lay atop Sam’s length.  She wrapped her arms and legs around her and held on tight, soft sobs still wracking her body,

 

“Hey, you okay?”

 

“Thank you, sweetheart….” She struggled to form the words, “I love you …” She rasped, “I love you…”

 

***

 

“Hey Cassie,” Jack waved awkwardly at the teen through the glass.

 

“Good morning, Jack.” came the monotone reply.

 

“All done with the ‘Uncle’ part, huh?”

 

This time there was no reply and Jack sighed heavily as he lowered himself into the chair, “So listen, Cassie…”

 

“Please don’t tell me you’ve come all the way down here to tell me how mean I’ve been to Sam,” Cassie walked from the small table to the bed and flopped onto her back, “ _again.”_   She sighed expressively.

 

Jack’s eyes narrowed for a moment before saying, “Look, Cass, it’s just that if I’m gonna’ let you out of here…”

 

“Cut the bullshit, _Uncle Jack_.”  She fairly spat and rose off the bed to stalk to the glass. She glared at the older man, “Do you think I’m stupid?  I know you’re never going let me out of here, _I know that!”_   She turned her back to him and took a deep breath, calming herself, “I know that.”  She repeated quietly.  She breathed deeply again and turned slowly back to the glass, “But I can leave anytime I want to, _Jack_.”  She purred, the corner of her mouth turning upwards ever so slightly. _“Anytime.”_   She whispered, almost to herself; “I just need the right moment.”  Jack watched the teen silently as she walked slowly to the bed and sat cross-legged on the mattress.  She folded her hands neatly in her lap and raised her eyes to his, “And when I do leave, that will be my Christmas present to you.”

 

~

 

Sam shrugged one-sided, “I don’t know, it would go a lot quicker if I could just go to Antarctica and do the work myself, but General O’Neil won’t let me.”  She chewed her lip thoughtfully and stared out Diane’s office window at the endlessly falling snow.

 

“And why is that?”

 

Sam snorted humorlessly, “Says I’m needed here, but all I’m doing is working on the cryo-unit remotely.”  She slumped in the chair, “It’s wasting a lot of time.”

 

“I think he’s just trying to protect you.”

 

Sam waved her hand impatiently, “I know, but he needs to let me fix it bef…” Sam’s voice faded, “Do you think that’s why he’s keeping me here?”  Worried eyes turned to her, “So I won’t finish and she’ll become such a threat that he has to…”

 

Sam’s voice faded and she shut her eyes.  She knew Jack had already talked to Dr. Lee about flooding Cassie’s room with a lethal dose of an anesthetic gas.

 

“I think he’s just concerned about you.”

 

Sam made a small, derisive sound, “Yeah, well, you don’t know him like I do.”

 

Diane’s eyebrows arched briefly, but she made no attempt to defend her position.  She had read the general’s file and was well versed in what he was capable of.

 

“Provided I get that unit up and working in time,” Sam turned suddenly earnest, “what are her chances?”

 

“For what?”

 

“For… for…” Sam faltered and she shrugged again.

 

“What are her chances of recovering from her delusions?  For recovering from her irrational hatred and rage for you and nearly everyone else?”

 

Sam hung her head, “I can’t give up on her.”  She looked up at her, “I can’t Diane; Janet would never forgive me.  I could never forgive myself if I did.”

 

Diane sighed, “Psychiatry has no answers, Sam, no wondrous therapeutic approach or talk therapy able to cure a psychosis brought on by genetic manipulation on someone who isn’t human.  I honestly don’t know that we’ll ever be able to help her.”

 

Sam looked away and unconsciously reached a hand into her sling to rub her forearm thoughtfully, “She used to be so different, you know?”  Diane noted the pain that seemed ever-present in the woman’s eyes; “Always jumped into my arms every time I came home, always….  And she was so like Janet… every time I ended up in the infirmary, always worried and upset, but trying not to show it.  Whenever I went down on a mission offworld I’d be really pissed right till the moment I lost consciousness.”  She snorted, “My last thoughts were always how upset both Janet and Cassie would be.”  Fierce blue suddenly looked piercingly into a sea of blue calm, “But that’s my job, you know?  The possibility of being hurt or killed offworld is high.  You expect it.”  Sam shook her head, pressing trembling lips shut against the sudden surge of emotion, the harsh whisper that was her voice cracked and broke as she struggled to finish, “It was supposed to be me.  If one of us had to be killed it was supposed to be me.”  She pressed trembling lips together as she struggled to control her emotions.

 

Diane rose from her seat and gently pulled Sam from the chair.  She draped an arm around her shoulders and led her quietly to the couch, sitting next to her with an arm around her,

 

“I miss her.”  Sam admitted quietly, “I miss seeing her face when I open my eyes in the morning.  I miss her and Cassie so much; I don’t know what to do.”  The tears filled her eyes and slipped down her face, “I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what to do…” her voice finally failed her and she clapped a hand over her eyes as the sobs broke from her.

 

Diane held the woman close, “You’re doing exactly what you need to be doing right now, Sam,” she whispered quietly, “you’re missing them, you’re grieving.  Let yourself grieve.”  She murmured, adding, “Just let it go.”

 

***

 

“Before Hathor… before that, when I was revived I believed them when they told me I was 70 years in the future and that everyone I knew was dead… I tried to cooperate.”  She shrugged one-sided, “I really did.  But I knew I didn’t belong there, and all I could think about was finishing answering their questions so I could go be with Janet.”

 

“You mean kill yourself?”

 

“I…” Sam’s brow furrowed, “I hadn’t thought about it that far; I just knew I didn’t belong in a world where she had long since…  How could she be dead all that time and I not know?” Sam shook her head again, unable to continue.  Janet squeezed her hand, giving it slight shake, making Sam turn brimming eyes to her.  She sniffed and drew a deep breath before clearing her throat, “They kept me drugged so I wouldn’t sense their symbiotes, and when the colonel finally pulled out the IV and my head started to clear...” Her eyes closed at the memory, “when she touched me it was bad,” She sniffed, “and after… it wasn’t until after he killed Hathor, after she tried to kill me with the ribbon device that I realized, we both really realized the people we loved were still alive.”  She emitted a soft, amused snort, “I had such a bad headache, and I was so sick… coming off whatever they kept me drugged with made me really sick and I was pissed every time I threw up.”  She remembered having what felt like endless dry heaves, retching on her hands and knees until she could hardly breathe or stand.  How Jack tried to soothe her by awkwardly patting her on the back and only made her nausea worse, and how hard she struggled not to cry in frustration at her weakness.  How he had to help her stand each time and pulled her arm around his shoulders and half-dragged her down the corridors until she could walk on her own

 

She noted the bemused look on Diane’s face and explained, “I just felt like stopping to puke was taking too much time… making us wait even longer till we could get home, till I could get home again…” her voice trailed off as her eyes turned to looked down at the small hand she held in her own.  “The nightmares were bad after that mission.”

 

Janet murmured, “They always are.”

 

Sam looked at Diane and nodded, “After that run-in with that entity I had nightmares about drowning…”

 

Janet explained until the look of recognition finally came into Diane’s eyes, “When her consciousness was suppressed by an alien entity and was downloaded for that short period into the base mainframe…”

 

“Yes,” Diane nodded, “one of your more unusual experiences, Sam.”

 

Sam nodded but it was Janet that continued, “After that experience she would have nightmares about drowning or of calling out and not being heard.”

 

“Actually I would have nightmares about _screaming_ and not being heard,” Sam sighed and leaned her head back on the couch, turning to look at her wife, “God only knows how many times you’ve had to wake up that way,” She finished in a soft voice, “From my screaming...”

 

“Only after _that_ experience?”  Diane asked.

 

“After that… after Jolinar took me, after Fifth…” Sam gulped and shook her head, pressing her lips together.

 

“After Fifth tortured you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did Fifth rape you?”

 

Her brow furrowed again, “I don’t think so; I don’t think he knew what to do… physically.  He made me watch…” Sam’s voice faltered and she closed her eyes against the memory.

 

Janet interjected, “He made her watch images… scenarios of me being killed….”

 

_“Please,” she had begged him, “please, no more.”_

_“Oh no, Major…_ more _…”_

_She had weakly crawled away from him, across the replicator-tiled floor of the ship.  Sobbing, she had begged for mercy, knowing she would receive none, but was unable to stop the beseeching words as he pinned her against the wall and plunged his hand back in her head.  Over and over he made her watch his favorite fantasy; of Major Carter’s wife being killed.  He repeatedly plunged his hands into her head and body, all the while whispering his love for her._

“He plunged his hands into your body?”

 

“Not in the beginning, I think at first he was trying to comfort me into falling in love with him or something, but when I wouldn’t stop…” She sniffed and swiped at the tears that had slipped down her cheeks, “He got angrier and would ram his hands into my chest, my back or my… or my abdomen.” 

 

 _Each time he plunged a hand into her she screamed for Janet.  But it only infuriated him further; determined to make her stop, determined to make her call out_ his _name, to make her his and his alone and when she screamed Janet’s name he would viciously ram his hand back inside her, making her experience shrieking, blinding pain; sensations of having her flesh ripped, torn, flayed, burned…._

 

“And then he would make me watch her die again…”

 

_And Janet’s lifeless eyes would stare into nothingness as she held her in arms and screamed and screamed…_

 

Sam briefly pressed trembling fingers against her lips, “Can we stop for a minute?”

 

Janet pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her, “I’m right here.”  She whispered, “I’m right here.”  She repeated as Sam pressed herself close against her neck.

 

Diane moved to the couch and rubbed Sam’s back while she wept in her wife’s arms.  As the minutes passed Diane spoke in soft tones, guiding Sam through her experience of torture at Fifth’s hands,

 

“They were only pictures, Sam. Pictures that weren’t real; Janet is right here.  You’re safe.  He had no right to hurt you, to make you see Janet being killed; he had no right to make you suffer so much pain.”

 

She continued to stroke her back in soothing circles, reassuring her until the tears finally began to subside.  She pulled two tissues from a box on the coffee table and tucked them into her hand,

 

“Do you remember how you finally escaped?”

 

Sam sat up and blew her nose, “He, uh…” She wiped her eyes and rested her head against the back of the couch, “He let me go.  I told him I only loved Janet, and if he really loved me he would let me go back to her.”

 

_She had curled herself into a ball on the tiled floor and wept for her wife, “I love her; I love Janet… god, please… Janet, Janet, Janet….”_

 

Sam covered her eyes with her hand, hoping to stop another flood of tears, but a small sob still escaped her and she tucked herself back against Janet’s neck.

 

Janet stroked her hair, “It’s okay; just stay here for a minute.”  She murmured.  Diane tucked a foot beneath her and gave Sam’s shoulders a soft squeeze,

 

“Just breathe, Sam,” She stroked her back in slow circles again.  She kept her voice low, “Easy breaths, in and out.”

 

Several minutes passed before Janet softly sniffed and cleared her throat, “SG1 and Thor, an Asgard, brought her home to me.”  Her voice wavered but she continued, “She was dangerously dehydrated...” She repositioned Sam’s head against her shoulder and smoothed damp, shaggy bangs away from her forehead, “she was so weak she couldn’t even squeeze my hand.”  As she spoke she took Sam’s hand in hers and gave it a squeeze, making Sam look at her with watery blue eyes, “She had terrible nightmares for a long time after that.”

 

 “I still have nightmares but at least I’m not flinching anymore,” Sam sniffed and sat up straighter on the couch, “I haven’t jumped at lights or shadows once this past week.”

 

Janet smiled at her, “That’s right, you haven’t.”

 

“And you are going to continue to improve, Sam.” Diane assured her, “The more we sort out and talk through these experiences the nightmares will diminish too.”

 

“Even if I have them my whole life I’ll be okay as long as I have her,” Sam spoke to Diane but her eye’s never left her wife’s, “When I open my eyes and see her I know I’m safe….  I know I’m home.”

 

***

 

“I still haven’t been able to figure out the power problem.”  Sam bit her thumbnail and shook her head in frustration, “Either I need to go down there or they’re gonna’ have to risk disconnecting it and hope I can still sufficiently power the unit without a ZPM up here.”

 

“Don’t you have special generators here you can use?”

 

Sam nodded, “Naquada generators, but the power source is still different and it would be easier for me to know how to hook the unit up to one of those if we could make the unit work on the power source it was designed to operate with…” Sam tucked her free hand back inside the sling, “but we’re running out of time….” Her voice faded and she heaved a heavy sigh.

 

Both women sat next to each other in chairs facing Diane’s desk and Diane gave her good shoulder a soft squeeze, “Even if it takes longer to get the cryo-unit going reliably, Sam, there are other options we can use as a temporary measure until the unit is ready.”  Sam arched her eyebrows at her and she continued, “I’ve spoken to Doctor Warner and he agrees we should consider knocking her down with an anesthetic gas in her quarters…” Alarm flashed over blue and Diane held up a hand, “Just so we can go in there and hook her up to intravenous sedation to prevent her from…” She paused, “General O’Neill believes she’s going to try and escape, Sam, we need a contingency plan…”

 

“I know,” she sighed again, her eyes closing in resignation.

 

“You’ll fix the unit… you will.  And we’ll keep her safe until you get the unit up and running and then,” Diane paused to release a sigh of her own, “And then we’ll figure out what to do next.”

 

Sam only nodded; her eyes downcast.

 

“So,” Diane leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs, “What are your plans for the holidays?”

 

Sam looked baffled for a moment and she shrugged one-sided, “The holidays… I, uh… haven’t made plans or…” her eyes drifted to the office window that looked over a snowy landscape, “I haven’t celebrated Christmas for a couple of years now.”

 

Diane waited for her to continue but Sam appeared to be focused on the view, “It’s been more than 2 years, Sam… don’t you think Janet would want you to be happy again?”

 

Sam nodded, hanging her head.

 

“It’s one thing to miss her, but when are you going to rejoin the world?”

 

Sam drew a deep breath, “It’s hard,” she admitted; the hoarse voice barely audible, “taking the first step…”

 

“Taking the first step _is_ scary.”

 

Sam nodded, closing downcast eyes.

 

“Do you want to be happy again?”

 

“Yes.” She mumbled in a barely audible rasp.

 

Diane inclined her head toward her, “Are you sure?” she asked quietly.

 

Sam’s eyes blinked open and sudden, steely blue gazed resolutely into a sea of blue calm, “Yes.” This time the harsh rasp of voice was clear.

 

“Excellent.”  Diane gave her a soft, reassuring smile, “And what could you do, right now, to be happy?”

 

“I….” She seemed to falter so Diane softened her voice and subtly altered the question, “What would Janet want you to do… right now, Sam, to be happy?”

 

The reply was equally soft; “This.” Leaning forward, Sam placed a gentle kiss against the doctor’s soft lips.  Startled, Diane hastily drew back and Sam immediately apologized,

 

“I-I’m sorry…” she stammered, her eyes downcast as she hurried to wipe the kiss from her lips with the back of her hand.

 

“No… Sam.”  Diane reached to gently clasp the hand she drew across her mouth.  “It’s just… Look, I _am_ attracted to you, I have been from the start, but I don’t think you should do this unless you’re sure you’re ready.”

 

Sam sat absolutely still and her eyes were calm, “Janet would want me to be, I want to be...” and leaned in again.  This time Diane met her halfway and the kiss was tentative, but mutual.  Both women were content to caress each other with their lips, tongues softly licking in an exploratory way for several minutes before Diane pulled away, smiling,

 

“I think we’d better stop there so you can let me at least buy you dinner first.”

 

Sam snorted; looking somehow relaxed and aroused all at the same time, “I’m not really dressed for going out.”

 

Diane looked down at her BDU’s and combat boots, “I guess not.”  She chuckled, “So follow me home and let me cook for you.”

 

***

 

Janet stepped back and gazed at the softly lit tree with utter satisfaction.  By the time Christmas arrived Sam would be pregnant with their child, a child whose entire genetic makeup consisted solely of her two mothers…

 

“You know I did hang the mistletoe…”

 

Janet turned a beatific smile to her wife, “Yes, sweetheart, I noticed.”  She chuckled softly as she joined Sam under the parasitic shrub, newly harvested from one of their trees in the backyard.  As she approached Sam pulled her close, planting her lips firmly over Janet’s, kissing her deeply.  Janet would have laughed if Sam hadn’t been such a good kisser.

 

“Mmmph… Sammmmph.”  She smiled and stroked Sam’s crotch; her eyes widening in surprise, “Oh my, Colonel, honey…” she purred, giving it a squeeze, “is that a strap-on in yo’uh pants?  Oh-uh’ are y’all justmmph…”

 

Sam again pressed her mouth against Janet’s and thrust her tongue inside, feeling Janet melt against her as her hands roamed hotly over the petite form.  Janet hooked a leg over Sam’s hip and thrust provocatively against her.  Sam only grunted in response as she drew Janet’s other leg over her hip and carried her to the kitchen table.  As soon as she set her down Janet popped the button on Sam’s jeans and yanked them down as she pulled the zipper open, the translucent blue jelly dildo flopping out,

 

Sam pulled Janet by the waistband of her jeans and repeated the process of popping open the top button and pulling them open, forcing the zipper down and pushing down her jeans and underwear in one motion,

 

“Bend over,” She husked and Janet obeyed, turning and bending over the dining room table, spreading her legs as wide as the jeans bunched around her ankles would permit.  Sam’s eyes were glazed over as she reached for the tube of lubricant she had left on the table and squeezed some onto the end of the dildo,

 

“Oh, please sweetheart,” Janet panted, “don’t make me wait.” 

 

She hurriedly tossed the lube back onto the table and smoothed the lube over the head and length of the blue cock before finally pressing the tip against her wife’s already glistening opening and slowly slid the member inside.

 

Janet sighed and moaned and she angled her hips to accept the toy as deeply as possible, “Oh, deeper, Sam.  You can fuck me hard, sweetheart.”

 

Sam’s eyes closed in ecstatic reverence as she nestled her hips close against her wife’s backside before pulling out and thrusting forward again, “Easy now,” she whispered in a strained voice, gradually increasing her speed as she adjusted the angle of the thrusts.  She held Janet by slim hips and thrust harder, striving to comply with her wife’s desire to be fucked deeply… and hard.  Her eyes squinted half-shut as she watched the ice-blue toy disappear and reappear with increasing speed into Janet’s body until she finally bent over her, her hands sliding beneath her sweater and bra, her hands cupping and squeezing her breasts, making her cry out,

 

“Oh, Sam!  Oh, yes… more, baby, that’s it…”

 

Sam suddenly slowed her thrusts and to her wife’s dismay, slowly stood and began to pull the toy from inside,

 

“Oh no, please…”

 

“It’s alright,” she soothed, “Just turn over.”

 

Janet quickly stepped out of her bunched jeans and panties and sat on the table, again spreading her legs wide as she hooked her legs over Sam’s hips, “Sam…” she panted breathlessly, her eyes never leaving the glistening toy.

 

Sweating and out of breath, Sam stepped forward and eased the toy back inside.  Again she thrust her hips firmly, plunging the toy deeply into Janet’s dripping vagina, making her cry out,

 

“Oh, yes, baby… that’s it….  In me, in me, in me…” She whimpered, her brain unable to form any other words as Sam began to pump and thrust vigorously, pausing only to pull off first Janet’s sweater and bra, and then her own t-shirt and bra.

 

Now totally nude, Janet rocked back on the table so she could watch as Sam fucked her with the toy; the blue jelly slammed into her, making a wet, slapping noise as Sam thrust deeply,

 

“Oh… oh….” She whimpered again, “Fuck my pussy, baby, fuck me hard.”

 

Sam groaned aloud at her words, grunting now with each thrust, gripping Janet’s buttocks and thrusting madly inside her as Janet finally stopped moaning profanity and wrapped her arms around her.  Her mouth found Sam’s breast and she grunted; feasting like a wild woman, Sam was sure she could feel her hardened nipple bang against the back of Janet’s throat…

 

Beneath the strap-on’s base Sam’s poor clitoris had taken all the battering it could handle and she threw back her head and shouted her climax; still pounding the blue cock into her wife until Janet’s body went rigid and she cried out with her release.  Her rigid body surrendered to the jerks and spasms of her orgasm and she writhed and undulated and bucked beneath her for long minutes as she came.

 

“Oh, thank you sweetheart,” she panted, and when Sam tried to pull the toy out she clutched at her, “No…” she entreated, “stay inside me, please.”

 

Sam smiled against her hair and gently tilted her head back to place a gentle kiss against her mouth, “Your wish is my command,” she breathed against her lips as her fingers sought out the still stiffened clit between Janet’s legs.  Janet moaned aloud as Sam rubbed and pulled and pinched and twisted the hooded bundle.  But it wasn’t until Sam’s free hand performed the same ministrations on her nipple that Janet finally climaxed again, her inner muscles squeezing hard around the blue jelly shaft.

 

“Come on me, Janet.” Sam commanded in a harsh, breathless whisper, “Soak me in your cum.”  She husked as she rocked her hips against her and the toy inside her as her hands continued their assault until Janet’s body went rigid and she finally gave way to the convulsive jerks that accompanied the hot spurts of ejaculate that burst from her and onto Sam’s harness and neatly trimmed curls.  Careful to maintain the assault on her clitoris with her thumb, she angled her hand to catch as much of the hot cum as she could manage as Janet continued to tremble and shudder in the aftermath.  The jelly toy still buried in her wife, Sam closed her eyes in wonderment as she spread the juices from her hand over her wife’s breasts and belly.  It wasn’t until she felt Janet caress her face that she raised her eyes,

 

“You are amazing, my love.”  Janet sat up and pulled her close, “so amazing…” She whispered against her neck as her hand trailed down between them, her mouth sliding down Sam’s chest and began avidly licking and sucking her breast again.

 

“Janet...” Sam whimpered as she felt Janet loosen one of the straps and push her hand under the harness and cried out when Janet’s fingers found her clitoris.  Her mouth released Sam’s nipple only long enough to mumble hotly, “Now let me fuck your pussy, Sam….  Let me fuck you, baby….” Weak cries tore from Sam’s throat as Janet pushed her hand further, thrusting two fingers between the hot and slick inner walls as the heel of her hand pushed and rubbed against her clit and folds.

 

Sam sobbed as she came; there was something about Janet and profanity that just pushed her to massive orgasms every time….

 

She felt Sam’s body stiffen and tremble against her as she climaxed, and when she heard Sam begin to sob she curled the thrusting fingers, her profane words turning to soft words of reassurance and love,

 

“That’s it, sweetheart, come in my hand, baby…” and smiled when she felt the single rush of hot cum stream from Sam’s body.  Suddenly ready to pull the cock from inside her, she still grunted at the loss and quickly pulled the harness off Sam’s hips.  Pushing her into one the of the chairs she handed her the blue jelly dildo and knelt between her legs, determined to gather all of Sam’s cum in her mouth.

 

Sam spread her legs wide on the chair and without conscious thought placed the tip of the dildo in her mouth.  Her eyes closed at the flavor of Janet’s cum and she fellated the blue cock, savoring her wife’s taste.  She wasn’t even aware that she was close to another orgasm as Janet feasted hungrily between her legs until she heard herself groan around the dildo in her mouth and looked down at her wife’s bobbing head.  She dropped the cleaned toy on the floor and gripped the chair with one hand and placed the other on the back of Janet’s head, pulling her closer,

 

“Oh god, Janet…” she wailed, and Janet responded by suddenly feasting wildly on her clit as her fingers rammed inside her once again.  She could feel Janet’s teeth and tongue rake and stroke over her assaulted clit, but it wasn’t until her felt her lips capture the throbbing organ and suckle hard that she screamed, her knees rising to her chest as she bucked wildly in the chair.

 

It was long minutes before she heard Janet ask in a soft voice, “Are you okay?”

 

Sam nodded; unsure she could form words let alone find her voice, “Yeah.” She finally croaked.

 

“Let’s go to bed.”  Janet forced herself to stand and took Sam’s hand in hers, pulling her from the chair.

 

“Alright,” She mumbled, “But I’m gonna’ need a nap first.”

 

***

 

Diane had made a fast and easy stir-fry and Sam tossed the salad, their conversation light as Diane gave Sam a brief history about herself.   Her funny stories made Sam laugh and the story of her five-year relationship and eventual breakup made her quietly attentive and sympathetic.  The conversation continued through dinner and the pair eventually settled on the couch in the living room,

 

“I was lucky,” Sam gazed down at the wine she twirled slowly in the glass, “I dated in college but I stayed single and was too busy to even date once I got in the Air Force… till I met Janet, anyway.”  She raised the glass and sipped at the wine.

 

“I always wanted that.”  Diane smiled, a little envious, “I…” and stopped herself short.  She had nearly voiced aloud the internal dialogue she had with herself since first meeting the colonel; she had nearly blurted that she thought she could fall in love with Sam, if she hadn’t already, and inwardly shook her head at herself.  As hard as she tried through the years, she had never even felt this way about Rene, but from the beginning, all Sam had to do was look at her…. There was something about her eyes….

 

“Wanted what?”

 

Diane blinked and grinned, “Unconditional love.”

 

Sam smiled; “Yeah, I was lucky.” she murmured and set the glass on the table.  “And I’m ready to give that again.”  She looked at her, suddenly earnest.

 

Diane set her glass next to Sam’s on the coffee table then turned to her, cupping a cheek with her hand.  She stroked her thumb across soft lips before leaning in to place her lips over Sam’s.  The kisses were chaste at first; Diane was determined not to rush things.  But when Sam’s tongue licked across her lips she found her mouth opening readily, accepting Sam’s tongue as she pushed it tentatively inside; stroking Diane’s tongue with its length.  Diane’s hands moved over Sam’s body, pulling her, pressing her close, caressing, stroking; becoming familiar with her terrain on an entirely different level until her fingers slid over a clasp on the sling,

 

“Can I take this off?”

 

Sam nodded and Diane clicked open the clasps on the double straps, carefully sliding it down and off her arm, “Does that feel okay?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

She discarded the sling on the table and turned back to her, reaching long, slender fingers through short, feathered blond locks, “How far do you want this to go?”

 

“I want to make love to you.”

 

A huge grin spilled across Diane’s face, “Well, that was direct.” As she spoke she pulled Sam’s left hand to her lips and first placed a kiss against the palm then pressed the palm against her breast, “And I want to make love to you.  I just want to make sure you’re…”

 

“I’m sure, Diane.  I’m ready, just… don’t do this unless… unless this...” She whispered, her voice faltering.

 

Diane placed a tender kiss against her lips, “I want this Sam.  I want you, I want you so much.”  She leaned in to kiss her again, this time their lips pressed against each other with more purpose, tongues eagerly entwining with the other.  Diane’s hands roamed over Sam’s breasts, making her groan softly in her mouth.  She quickly unbuttoned her olive green shirt, pushing the drab garment gently off her shoulders then cupped her face again, lightly nipping at Sam’s lips with her teeth until she pressed her tongue hotly inside once again, making Sam moan and suckle the invader.

 

Diane moaned in response, suddenly aware of the hot, liquid center between her legs and she reached around the scarred woman to unhook her bra.  She pulled it down and off and gave the exquisitely firm white globes a reverent squeeze with her hands.  She bent to lick at the already hard nipple, quickly sucking it into her mouth and moaning around the flesh.

 

Sam arched back slightly, her good hand on the back of Diane’s head, pressing her close even as she reveled in the feel of such soft, dark blond hair.  Diane licked and sucked, feasting hungrily; it had been a long time since she had made love to a woman.  She hadn’t dated anyone since her relationship with Rene had ended.  The demise of that relationship had been the catalyst for her coming to America in the first place, and Diane smiled as she licked and suckled in concert with hands that palmed and kneaded Sam’s taut breasts.

 

Both women were flushed and breathless when Diane finally sat up and placed a languid kiss in Sam’s mouth, “If you’re still game, I’d like to move this into the bedroom.”

 

Sam’s eyes were black with desire, “Lead the way…”

 

Diane smiled and pulled her from the couch, she dropped a hand around her back and kept her close as she steered her down the hall.  She stroked Sam’s bare back, her hand smoothing over countless scars.  When they reached the bedroom she turned Sam toward her and wrapped both arms around her waist, “Last chance,” She murmured as gazed down into smoldering blue.

 

Sam’s mouth quirked at the corners and she placed Diane’s hands back on her bare breasts, “I’m sure.”  She murmured, the hoarse voice suddenly sounded smooth and husky as her hands slipped beneath Diane’s blouse and her good hand deftly unhooked her bra.  She slid both hands beneath and around the loosened garment to grasp the full breasts.  Diane smiled and pressed close, squeezing Sam’s nipples between her thumbs and forefingers.

 

“You’re wearing too much,” Sam breathed against her mouth.

 

Diane snorted softly and placed a quick kiss against Sam’s lips, nipping at her lower lip before taking a half step back and slipped her blouse and bra over her head and dropped them on the floor, “So are you.”  She smiled at her.

 

Sam unbuttoned her fatigue pants before sitting on the bed.  Diane unzipped her skirt and let it and her soaked panties slide to the floor.  _Just slow down, Missy,_ she schooled herself; _you’ll come all over yourself if you don’t calm down_.  She knelt on the floor and helped Sam pull off her boots and socks, stopping to gaze at her beautiful, battle-scarred body when Sam rose briefly to slide off her pants and underwear.

 

“You’re so beautiful, Sam.”  She said as she slid her hands down the length of Sam’s muscled, battle-scarred torso and thighs.

 

Sam replied with only a soft snort, her cheeks coloring slightly and Diane rose up on her knees and cupped the woman’s face in her hands, “You _are_ beautiful, Sam.  From the first moment I met you I fell into the beauty of your eyes, your hands.”  As she spoke she slid her hands from Sam’s face and down her neck, softly smoothing over and caressing the jagged scars on her neck and shoulder as her fingers passed over them, “From every scar, to every smooth patch of skin…” she leaned in close and breathed hotly in her ear, “all the parts that become hard,” she pinched Sam’s stiffened nipples again as she licked the rim of her ear, “and the part that becomes wet.”  She added, making Sam whimper softly.  “Lie back…” Diane pulled back the covers as Sam eased onto the bed, lying in the center of the mattress.

 

Diane lay next to her and continued to smooth over her body with her hand, “Have you ever been on the bottom?”

 

Sam laughed aloud this time, “Of course…”

 

“Oh, really?”  One eyebrow arched high on her forehead, “I would have pegged you for an insistent top.”  She chided softly.

 

Sam grinned, “I had, on occasion, been known to assume the position.”

 

Diane pressed herself close, her eyes closing as her skin pressed against Sam’s. She seemed to sigh in contentment and again placed her mouth over Sam’s.  As they kissed Diane’s body moved with increasing abandon against Sam’s until she was on top of her, sliding her wetness on her thigh.

 

“Please,” Sam husked even as her hands clutched at her, “Please, I want to taste you… please.”  She begged.

 

Diane raised her head enough to look down into pleading, almost desperate eyes as her hips continued to grind their assault on Sam’s leg.

 

“Alright but, Sam, I have to tell you something first.”

 

“Wha-what?”  She grunted; she felt sure her throbbing clitoris was about to burst from the smell of the other woman’s arousal.

 

“I’m an ejaculator, Sam…” Diane smoothed back the blond bangs, “And I’m going to come so hard…”

 

Sam felt her throbbing clit jump towards the woman grinding away on top of her, “Oh god, then please, please…” her voice strained in a moan, “please let me drink from you…” she slid down the mattress beneath her, pausing to briefly lap and suckle at a full, dangling breast, “fill me up….”

 

Diane turned on the bed and settled her weight back on her chest and elbows, her arms wrapped around Sam’s thighs.  She moaned as she nuzzled her nose and lips in soft curls.  As she pulled the thighs open wide beneath her she felt Sam’s hands between her legs, thumbs and fingers spreading her open, lips and tongue already pressing against her opening.

 

“Oh god,” Diane breathed against swollen flesh, her lips and tongue finally closing around Sam’s rock-hard clit.  She licked the engorged folds, sucking each one into her mouth before sliding her lips and open mouth to cover Sam’s quivering opening, extending her tongue inside as far as it would go, determined to collect as much of the sweet nectar as she could.  She licked and moaned and slurped; her senses on overload as she savored the flavor of this woman on her tongue, her mind only dimly aware that her hips were softly undulating against Sam’s mouth.

 

Sam panted, breathless as she feasted on the slick and swollen folds, unaware that she was mirroring the movements of the woman above her as she slid her tongue inside as far as it would go, grunting in pleasure at the woman’s taste and the abundant juices that poured from her.  She gulped and wrapped her good arm around Diane’s thigh to pull her even closer, turning her head slightly to one side she resumed her assault on the woman’s clitoris, sucking and licking back the hood, raking her teeth over the hardened nub and moaning as she felt Diane groan loudly into her flesh.  On their own her hips began to buck forcefully against Diane’s mouth and tongue and she cried out when Diane suddenly plunged two fingers inside her, her mouth firmly fixed over her throbbing clitoris.

 

Sam’s hips arched off the mattress as she strained against her, her inner walls clutching spastically at the invading fingers and she whimpered as she struggled to maneuver her right arm high enough to plunge two fingers inside Diane, her body curling towards her, writhing with complete abandon as Diane cried out,

 

_“Oh!  Oh, my god… oh, Jesus!”_

 

Their bodies bucked and shook uncontrollably as they climaxed, a primal cry tore from Sam’s throat as she came; the guttural sounds lost against Diane’s center as the woman above screamed her orgasm against Sam’s clitoris.  Ejaculate burst from her body and into Sam’s waiting mouth and the more primitive part of her brain made her lips and mouth feast greedily as she gulped and swallowed the jolts of hot liquid.

 

Minutes passed as their bodies continued to tremble and shake, and as Diane felt her body finally ease down on the woman below her she reluctantly withdrew her fingers, hearing Sam whimper at the loss.  She rose slowly on her hands and knees and felt Sam’s fingers pull from inside her.  A small sound escaped her and she turned, laying her length on top and slightly to one side.  Sam face was slack as she suckled the fingers that had just been inside Diane.

 

Diane smiled down at her and did the same with the fingers that had just been inside Sam.  Pulling the fingers from her mouth, Sam pulled the fingers from Diane’s lips and licked the length of first her forefinger then her middle finger before pressing the two together and pushing them deep into her mouth.  Diane’s eyes closed in ecstasy as Sam suckled, stroking them with her lips and tongue and she groaned at the sensation.

 

“Oh, Sam,” Her voice a hoarse whisper, “It’s like I’m inside you again…”

 

Sam pulled the fingers from her mouth, “You are…” She husked, and pulled her down for a smoldering kiss.  Both women moaned and whimpered and groaned as they delighted in the combination of their tastes.  When they finally parted Diane again straddled Sam’s thigh,

 

“I have to come again…”

 

“It’s alright,” Sam cupped her face with her good hand and sniffed, suddenly aware she was on the verge of bursting into tears, “So do I…” She helpfully spread her legs wider on the mattress, “Please,” she begged, “inside me…”

 

Diane slid her hand down between her legs, her fingers finding the throbbing clit and folds again slick with desire.  Her eyes closed and a sigh escaped her parted lips, “Oh, Sam…” she breathed and slipped the fingers back inside, making Sam emit a small mewling cry,

 

“Oh please… please, baby… you can fuck me hard.”  She wailed softly as she gripped Diane’s nipple between her strong thumb and forefinger, _“Please…”_ she implored as she twisted the hardened nub, making Diane cry out and plunge her fingers deeper inside as she ground her center against Sam’s thigh.  Sam gasped and pulled the tormented breast into her mouth, suckling hungrily and grunting into the flesh as Diane’s thumb found her clit and fiercely rubbed back the hood, making Sam throw her head back against the mattress,

 

“Oh, yes!”  She cried out in a harsh whisper, “Fuck me!  Fuck me harder!  Harder, _oh please fuck me!”_

 

Diane felt a rush of steaming hot cum gush from her center onto Sam’s leg and she instinctively curled herself on top of her, ramming her knee against her impaling hand in an effort to comply, grunting now with the effort to fuck Sam as hard as she could.  Her grunts turned to shouts as she felt Sam’s inner walls flutter and clutch at her wildly pumping fingers and she felt her body become completely rigid beneath her as she climaxed.

 

Diane held her tight and cried out as her own orgasm tore from her body and she continued to stroke herself on Sam’s thigh even as the convulsions shook her to her core for what seemed like an eternity.  After several minutes had passed both women were still out of breath; Sam lay completely limp on the bed, Diane draped over her, fingers still buried deep inside.  When their breathing finally slowed Diane finally pulled the fingers from within her assaulted depths, making Sam clutch at her hand,

 

“No.”

 

“Its okay, Sam,” Diane placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, “I can always put them in again…”

 

“Okay.” Sam smiled and abruptly burst into tears.  Diane quickly gathered her in her arms,

 

“Shhh,” she whispered against damp blond locks, “its okay… it’s okay.”  She whispered words of reassurance and Sam shook her head,

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam apologized; “I’m okay… I am… it’s just been so long, and it feels so good,” she sniffed, “having you inside, having your wetness on me…”

 

“It’s okay to ask for what you want.”

 

Diane laid her back down on the bed and stroked first the damp hair from her face then the tears from her cheeks.  Without a word she draped a leg over Sam’s hip and spread what was left of her wetness over Sam’s belly.  She clasped Sam’s breast in her hand as she undulated on her, her eyes never leaving Sam’s red-rimmed-blue as she coated her with the rest of her cum.  Then she gently urged her to turn over onto her hip and undulated against her backside, closing her eyes as she hotly bathed the soft, muscled mound.  She urged Sam to turn back and gathered her in her arms once again, Sam’s head pillowed against her breast as she pulled the sheet and blankets over their chilled, sweaty forms.

 

Diane had nearly drifted off when she felt Sam dip her head and nuzzle her breasts.  Her eyes closed, she held the blond head to her and murmured, “Still awake?”

 

“Mmm-hmmm.”  Sam mumbled as she dragged her tongue around Diane’s nipple, feeling it pebble and stiffen beneath her lips.

 

Diane was about to say something else when she felt a hand caress her mound, fingers stroking through the soft curls, squeezing the flesh.  She moaned softly, her body arching against Sam’s.  She slid down on the mattress and pulled back on the blond head, fervently kissing her.  He hands roamed hotly over Sam’s still flushed skin and she raised her head to look down at her, breathless,

 

“I, uh… have some toys… a strap-on would leave my hands free to hold you.”

 

Sam only smiled and nodded and Diane reached into a drawer in the nightstand and pulled out a tube of lubricant and a harness sporting a scarlet red dildo, “Okay?’  She asked, holding it up briefly as she slid from beneath the covers.

 

“Yes.”  Sam’s blue eyes were as dark as Diane’s and she surreptitiously stroked herself beneath the covers watching Diane step into the harness and draw it up over her slim hips and pull the straps tight.  She sat back down on the bed and squeezed some lube onto the dildo and smoothed the gel over the tip and shaft,

 

“Ready,” She smiled and pulled back to the covers.  Sam draped her legs over Diane’s thighs, “here I come…” she breathed hotly and pushed the tip into Sam’s opening and slid the length inside as she lay on top of her,

 

Sam spread her legs and angled her hips for deeper penetration, “Oh yes,” she sighed; “just like this.”  She murmured and as they wrapped their arms around each other. Diane placed a reverent kiss against Sam’s lips, a kiss Sam quickly deepened by sucking avidly on the woman’s tongue.

 

Diane’s hips first began to rock, and then thrust against Sam in tandem with her stiffened, thrusting tongue.  She rose up on her elbows, her hands holding Sam by the shoulders, “Still okay?”

 

Sam grunted her response, “Unh, y-yes, please-unh, uh- m-more… _more….”_

 

Diane grunted in Sam’s mouth as she thrust deeper and harder, eventually pulling her mouth from Sam’s and keeping her weight on her elbows, she curled herself around the body beneath and continued to pump the dildo deeply within. 

 

Sam nuzzled she ear with her lips and nose, “A-after we come… pl-please stay inside me, unh… p-please…”

 

Diane placed gentle kisses on damp, blond locks before asking, “Are you alright?”

 

Tears slid from the corners of Sam’s closed eyes, “Yes,” she whispered, then opened them to look into twin seas of deep blue, “For the first time in a long time, I am.”

 

“Well then,” Diane smiled down at her breathlessly, “as long as I can rest every once in a while… we can do this all night if you like.”

 

Sam nodded and closed her eyes again as Diane increased the tempo of her thrusts.  She flattened out her hips and ground against Sam, holding her tight as she slammed the cock inside.

 

Sam bent her legs at the knees and bucked wildly against her, the harsh cries that tore from her only pushed Diane harder, her thrusts becoming convulsive as Sam’s moans and cries pushed her over the edge.  Diane’s head finally flew back, her orgasm tearing a hoarse cry from her throat.  Sam held her close as she shook and trembled, whispering soft words as the waves shook her.  Staying where she was, she whispered in Sam’s ear,

 

“You didn’t come?”

 

“No,” she whispered back, “it feels too good….  It feels too good.”  She repeated as her hands and lips smoothed over damp hair and skin.

 

Her eyes still closed, Diane’s smiled in contentment, “Well, then I should add some more lube then, my love.”  But Sam held on to her,

 

“Don’t pull out yet.  Stay inside me and rest first.”

 

“Okay… would you like to try another position?”

 

“Yes.”  Sam smiled, “I have a few in mind.”

 

“A _few_?”

 

“At least…”

 

***

 

Sam held Janet’s hand as the doctor gently extracted an ovum from her carefully prepared ovary.  His head emerged from the beneath the sheet that discretely covered her wife from the waist down,

 

“Very good, Janet.”  He put the collected ovum and instrument on the tray and smoothly guided her heels from the stirrups as Sam helped her sit up on the table.  “I’m off now to prepare this egg for the combinante process with Sam’s.  The nurse will give you a few minutes to change then he’ll bring you to my lab so you can observe.  Then you’ll have the entire day to yourselves to explore the facility, or the city for that matter.  But you’ll be collected first thing in the morning so Janet can implant your embryo inside you, Sam.”

 

Sam blushed and squeezed Janet’s hand, “And it’s okay if we go home after?”

 

“Yes,” as he spoke he placed Janet’s ovum next to Sam’s in the small transport container, “you’ll be fine. But remember I’ll still need to see you for periodic checkups during your pregnancy.”

 

It was Janet who answered, smiling, “We’ll be here.”

 

“Excellent, then.”  He nodded and carrying the container, left the room.

 

Janet hopped off the exam table and went to retrieve her clothes.  She stripped off the gown and used it to wipe the lubricant from her opening and between her legs, “Ugh, for all their advanced technology that still can’t get around having to lube us up like the underside of a car.”  Sam laughed and sat in a chair, holding her wife’s clothes on her lap.  She took her panties from Sam’s outstretched hand and put them on, then caressed Sam’s hair, “You okay?”

 

Sam nodded, “I love you, Janet Fraiser.” and pulled her down for a kiss, her hands quickly roaming from Janet’s face down and over her bare breasts, cupping and squeezing them.

 

Janet pulled at her hands, “Sam.”  She grinned, “He said the nurse was coming back in a few minutes.”  Sam only handed over her bra, a wicked, unrepentant grin on her face.  “Oh my,” Janet snorted as she dressed, “ _that’s_ a horny expression.” finally making Sam chuckle.  She quickly stepped into her blue BDU’s then sat on Sam’s lap and both women wrapped their arms around each other, “After we watch Doctor Dawbray create our child and we have a nice lunch with Daniel and Vala I promise we can either go back to our room and make love all day or go sightseeing… your choice.”

 

Sam answered her before she finished speaking, “First sex then sightseeing.”

 

Janet chuckled as she placed a kiss on her hair then got up to retrieve her socks and boots from the floor, “Yeah, I’m sure the sightseeing will happen after that.”

 

“Well then, we’ll get to see something on our way to dinner.  This is a really beautiful place to get pregnant by you, Janet.”  She admitted softly, “I’d like you to see some of it.”

 

Janet stopped tying her boot to look up at her, “Okay, sweetheart.”

 

“Thanks for holding my hand while I was out.”

 

Janet’s smile broadened, “Always.”  She answered her.  She actually spent more time stroking her cheek and the hair from her eyes when Dr. Dawbray inserted the instrument that would extract the ovum via her fallopian tube.  She suppressed a shudder as she pulled on the other boot; she had closed her eyes and fantasized about Sam doing something deeply sexual to her when the automated instrument traveled up through her vagina, uterus and fallopian tube.  She would be eternally grateful Sam had consented to the light sedation again, and bit her lip against the sudden surge of emotion at the thought of Sam trying to endure that procedure twice.

 

She finished lacing and tying her boots and took her wife by the hand, “Let’s go make a baby.”

 

***

 

Diane looked around her house at the explosion of lights and greenery they had festooned the place with.  She didn’t want Sam to feel overwhelmed and had asked her first if it was alright to put up a tree, but it was Sam who kept coming home with more lights and freshly cut green boughs….  She left the kitchen and found Sam hanging mistletoe from the light fixture in the foyer one-handed,

 

“Need a hand?” she asked as she wrapped her hands warmly around jean-clad legs as Sam stood on the stepladder.

 

“Mmm,” Sam beamed at her as she climbed down, “That feels nice.”

 

Diane moved her arms around her waist and held her close, “And this?”

 

“Even better…” Diane was in her stocking feet and Sam stood slightly taller than her in her boots and dipped her head for a kiss.

 

“Nothing like honoring an age-old tradition...” Diane murmured then pressed her lips against Sam’s once again.  They kissed for several minutes and when they finally parted Diane seemed to steel herself slightly as she gazed into the smoldering blue of Sam’s eyes,

 

“What?”

 

 “I don’t want to rush you, Sam and I’m not pushing you to move in here… I haven’t rented a U-Haul or anything… that is _so_ cliché, isn’t it?” making Sam grin lopsidedly.  She caressed her face and hair, “But I love you, Sam.  Are you alright with my telling you that?”

 

“Yeah,” She said almost wonderingly, “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve fallen in love with you….  I haven’t felt like this since I met Janet, you know?  I fell for her so hard…. I thought about her constantly whenever we were apart,” as she spoke she took the hand that caressed her face and pressed it over her heart, “but more than anything, I felt absolutely complete when I was with her, it felt like my heart completely filled my chest and… and that’s how I know she would approve of my loving you, because that’s exactly how I feel when we’re together.”  She paused and assumed her best, therapist-like voice, “Are you alright with me telling you that?”

 

Diane grinned and nipped playfully at her lips, “Yes, Colonel, I most certainly am.”

 

Sam pulled her close and murmured softly in her ear, “Good, because I love you.”

 

***

 

Janet breathed in carefully through her nose; she would never have admitted it but she was nervous as hell as she guided Sam’s heels into the stirrups.  Dr. Dawbray had let them watch as he prepared their ovum for the combinante process, but it was Janet that actually placed the eggs together in the specialized chamber and entered the command to begin the procedure.  “Congratulations,” he had informed her, “You just made a baby.”

 

They had gripped each other’s hands and stared at the screen as they watched the ova blend into one cell, then divide into two, then four….  Their eyes had brimmed with tears and slipped down their cheeks as Dr. Dawbray explained that their technology accelerated the development from zygote to a four-week-old embryo within a twenty-four hour period.  He explained that it was important for the embryo to develop the trophoblast cells that surrounded the developing embryo before implantation since it was these cells that penetrated the uterine lining and would eventually form the placenta and embryonic membranes.  His soft voice faded and he felt his heart swell, greatly moved as he watched the women lightly touch the image on the screen with the tips of their fingers, their heads bent together, close to the monitor.

 

And now here she was, draping a sheet over her wife as a smiling Dr. Dawbray waited to hand her the instrument that contained an embryo less than ten millimeters in length, cushioned in a specialized gel that mimicked the trophoblast cells so Sam’s uterus would initially accept the embryo then dissolve, allowing the actual surrounding trophoblasts to deeply imbed the embryo in the lining of the uterus.

 

Beaming broadly he stepped forward and handed Janet an instrument resembling a long, lighted pipette, “If you’ll give me a moment I’ll just step outside.”  As he walked out the door he added, “When you’re ready just flip this switch so we’ll know to come back in.”

 

Both women thanked him and Janet placed the pipette back on its holder on the tray.  Sam had, of course, refused even light sedation for this process and she smiled down at her, her eyes bright,

 

“Well,” Janet asked, “Alone at last, are you ready?”

 

“I’m ready.”  She said softly.  She knew Janet would first have to insert a speculum and she lay back on the pillow, closing her eyes.  Beneath the sheet, Janet had held some of the lubricant in her hand, trying to warm it before smoothing it into her wife’s opening.  She watched as Sam smiled and squeezed her eyes closed in concentration and tried not to smile too much herself as she stroked the lube inside, her fingers stroking and massaging the inner walls until Sam started to whimper softly,

 

“Easy, sweetheart.”  She whispered as she gently withdrew and placed the tip of the traditional-looking speculum against Sam’s folds, “I’m going to insert this now.”  She murmured and waited for Sam to nod before sliding the instrument inside, her heart clutching briefly at her wife’s small wince of pain, “I’m sorry, baby,”  she whispered and cranked the speculum open as gently as possible.  Taking a deep breath she retrived the pipette from the tray and slowly guided the lighted instrument inside, “Now you need to relax as much as possible, sweetheart,” she said as she guided the tip of the instrument past Sam’s cervix, “Breathe, baby, that’s it,” she whispered, her eyes fixed intently on the screen and the remote image provided by the microscopic scanner on the tip of the pipette.  Her concentration was total as she carefully placed the tip of the pipette against the right wall of Sam’s uterus and lifted her finger from the end of the instrument, releasing the tiny embryo.  She pulled the pipette back, staring in wonder at the small droplet that rested inside her wife.  She quickly withdrew the pipette and hurried to remove the speculum as well, using her free hand to hold Sam’s opening closed with her fingers as she discarded the speculum on the tray.

 

Sam finally released the breath she had been holding and snickered softly, “Making sure she stays in there?”

 

Janet chuckled and stripped off her gloves and guided Sam’s heels from the stirrups, helping her to turn onto her side, “Congratulations, my love, you are pregnant.”  She beamed at her and sitting next to her on the exam table, wrapped her arms tightly around her.

 

Sam did the same and placed her lips against her wife’s.  The kiss was long and sweet, and when they finally parted Sam curled around her, wanting to be as close as possible and lay her head on Janet’s chest, “Thank you, Janet,” she sniffed, “I love you so much.”

 

Janet’s eyes brimmed as Sam’s tears ran down her chest and soaked the scrubs she wore, “I love you,” she whispered thickly, “I love that we can have this baby.”  Sam leaned back against the pillow and pulled Janet against her mouth again, kissing her deeply.  Janet sighed in utter contentment as their mouths pressed together, a deep hum issuing from her chest  A few minutes had passed when Janet became acutely aware of the heat emmanting from their bodies,

 

“Jesus, Sam,” she chuckled, her eyes smiling, “He’s waiting to come back in here.”

 

“Let him wait.”

 

“Great, but the room is going to smell like sex.”

 

Still smiling Sam placed one last kiss against her lips and lay back on the pillow, “Okay, so what’s next?”

 

~

 

Janet held Sam’s hand as the orderlies pushed her gurney back to their room.  When they helped her back into the doublewide bed and left, Sam couldn’t help but notice the flush of embarrassment on her wife’s face as she shut and locked the door behind them,

 

“What?”

 

Janet walked to the bed and sat down, “Well,” she cleared her throat, “I have been informed by our physician, Doctor Dawbray, that before we can leave today he has perscribed sexual activity for at least twenty minutes…” Sam’s eyebrows arched high on her forehead, “or however long it takes to result in an orgasm for you, then we must rest for one hour before he checks to make sure the embryo is still where I left it, and then we can go home.”

 

“Wow.” was Sam’s only reply.

 

Janet snorted and briefly covered her face with her hand, clearly embarrassed.

 

 _“He said you should give me an orgasm?”_   Sam’s whisper was incredulous.

 

Janet nodded, still embarrassed, “He said it would be beneficial to our bond, and the development of our child.”

 

“Okaaay,” Sam reached for her, leering, “But wouldn’t you like one too?”

 

***

 

“And you’ve been living here for more than two years?”  Diane tried to keep the surprise from her voice as she closed the door on the spartan quarters.

 

Sam nodded, “After Janet was killed it was some months before Cassie… before she attacked me, and after she did... well, it was clear she was going to be kept in lockdown and I…” she pulled the overnight bag from the closet and dropped it onto the bed.  She shrugged one-sided, “I just couldn’t go home anymore.  I couldn’t, I kept seeing her out of the corner of my eye… every time I turned around.  I’d feel Janet’s presence so strongly, like if I just hurried into the next room I’d see her standing there…” her voice wavered and she abruptly cleared her throat and sniffed, “and I couldn’t stand it anymore.  Every time I walked into that house I hurt…” she drew a trembling breath, “it hurt too much and I couldn’t take the pain anymore.”  She placed a hand over her eyes and rubbed, and Diane noted the return of the fine tremor.  She cautiously approached and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, “I’ve been tortured by the Goa’uld, by the…” the harsh whisper faded and she dragged the hand through the short, blond hair, “but I couldn’t take that.”  She exhaled heavily, her hand dropping to her side, “So I sold the house, I put some stuff in storage and I’ve lived here on the base ever since…” she reached down to the nightstand and pulled open a drawer, “this is all I keep here,” she murmured softly as she pulled out a small photo album and a set of dog tags and two wedding bands on a chain.

 

Diane dropped the arm around her and drew her close; “Bring them with you.”  She placed a soft kiss against her temple and felt Sam lean into her, “Your past is part of you, Sam.  You need to bring it with you; it’s an integral part of who you are.”  She tilted Sam’s face to hers and gently wiped an errant tear from her cheek, “And I love who you are, so bring her with you, bring your memories and share them with me….  It will only make me love you more.”

 

Sam smiled somewhat tremulously at her and nodded, “Okay.” She sniffed and dropped the chain into her breast pocket, “It won’t take long to pack.”

 

“May I?” Diane held out her hand for the photo album and Sam gave her a shy smile as she handed it over.  She sat and slowly turned the pages while Sam packed a pair of boots and sneakers and the few street clothes she kept in the bureau.  She smiled as she explained the events captured in the photographs, making Diane chuckle.  When she was finished she zipped the bag closed, prompting Diane to arch her eyebrows at her, “Is that it?”

 

“Uh, yeah.”  Sam replied, “I don’t have much in the way of casual wear anymore.”  She motioned uncomfortably towards the closet, “I can keep my dress uniform here.  I keep it next to Janet’s along with a dress she wore that was my… was my favorite.”

 

Diane rose from the chair, “There’s no rush, Sam, but when you’re ready, you can bring them home too.  Okay?”

 

“Okay.” Sam smiled and reached for the album and placed it inside the bag then zipped it shut again. “Thank you.”  She murmured and placed a kiss against Diane’s lips.  Diane was content to luxuriate in the caress of their lips and hands, but Sam deepened the contact, her tongue pressing inside.  Diane was willing enough but she pulled back when she felt her center grow hot and slick,

 

“Darlingmmph,” she smiled as she pulled her mouth from Sam’s, “You’re making me wet myself.”

 

The smile on Sam’s face turned suddenly predatory and she hurried to open and slide off the black sling and dropped it unceremoniously on the floor before she reached beneath her skirt, brazenly groping, “Too late…” she nipped playfully at her lower lip, “you’re already too wet to go out there now.”  She quickly knelt and pulled down Diane’s panties, making surprisingly quick work of unzipping her skirt and pushing it to the floor as well, making her chuckle,

 

“You’re incorrigible, Colonel Carter,” her Aussie accent purred down at her.

 

“Sit.”  Sam tossed the skirt on the bed as she sat and held the panties with the soaked crotch to her nose, inhaling deeply, “Mmm,” she sighed, making another rush of hot wetness fill Diane’s center, “You’ll definitely have to wear a pair of my panties when we leave here.”  She breathed and looked up into Diane’s flushed face and half-lidded eyes.  Sam only smiled and pushed her legs apart; lifting her thighs onto her shoulders, her eyes closed in heady reverence at the heavy scent of the woman’s arousal.

 

Diane pressed her lips together and her head flew back as Sam hotly dragged her tongue from her perineum to her clit, then back down again, licking through the thick, quivering folds and lapping at the slick juices that dripped from her.  She panted and reached down to stroke a hand through Sam’s hair, “Sam?”  She panted; her voice a harsh whisper, “Love?  Please…”

 

Sam had sucked a fold into her mouth and was loathe to let it go as she turned her face to Diane’s, “Hmmm?”  She asked as the quivering, engorged fold pulled from her lips.

 

Diane’s face briefly twisted into a grimace of pure pleasure and an amused snort erupted from her, “Jesus, my love, has your sex drive always been this high?”

 

Sam caressed her thighs and she smiled up at her, “Yep, it took Janet some getting used to, but it grew on her…”

 

Diane chuckled again, “Your sex drive?”

 

“Yes,” Sam smiled up at her, “it’ll grow on you too.” And she bent her head to lick the length of her once again, making Diane rock back on the bed and moan softly, “You’ll see…” Sam whispered against the clutching opening, “you’ll see….”

 

 _“Oh… god.”_   Diane breathed as she pressed the blond head closer against her, “I’m sure it will,” she panted as she felt the orgasm rapidly building within and she forced her eyes open again and looked down into shining blue, “ _Oh… oh…”_ she gasped, still cupping the back of her head, _“Oh, my love…”_ she whispered as her body convulsed and she came in a flood in Sam’s mouth.  She undulated on the bed, the springs squeaking beneath her as the long, slow paroxysms coursed through her body and she struggled to watch Sam’s eyes, closed in concentration, her lips and mouth milking the waves of cum from her opening as she swallowed and hummed against her flesh.

 

Sam stayed where she was for long minutes as Diane finally fell back on the mattress, panting and trembling in the aftermath.  It was difficult trying not to moan aloud in the tiny quarters while Sam thoroughly licked her clean.  When she finally sat back on her heels Diane forced herself into a sitting position once again and placed a shaky, if grateful, kiss on her lips,

 

“Mmm, my… my love…” she smiled tiredly against her, “That’s quite a tasty mouthful you had there.”  Sam smiled beatifically up at her, “But you’d better let me take care of you now, so we can clean up and get out of here.”

 

Sam chuckled and rose from her place on the floor and pulled Diane with her.  She wrapped her arms around her, hands caressing her bare backside.  “And although you are certainly a provocative sight in your blouse, high heels and _bare ass_ ,” she said, squeezing the buttocks appreciatively, “I’m afraid I’ve already creamed my pants.”

 

~

 

“Colonel Carter… and Doctor Rayne, _I presume_.” He drawled over the syllables as he called to the two women waiting for the elevator.

 

“You do, General.”  Diane gave him a small smile, making Jack pause; a familiar look of bemusement on his face.

 

“General.”  Sam greeted him softly, her eyes averted.

 

Jack noticed the small overnight bag she carried, “Going somewhere, Carter?”  He didn’t miss the slight flush of embarrassment as she answered,

 

“Yes, sir, I’m spending a few days off-base for the holidays, if that’s alright.”

 

 _“NO!  Carter!”_   A hand left one of his pants pockets and he clutched dramatically at his chest, “ _Really?_   You actually want to spend time _away_ from this place?  _You?_   Why, I’m shocked, Carter.  _Shocked._ Shocked and… uh…” He had briefly looked at Dr. Rayne and felt suddenly impaled by the woman’s piercingly direct gaze and was physically taken back a step.  Fraiser would look at him like that whenever he teased Carter in her presence; _scared the shit outta’ me…_ His head swiveled from the doctor to Carter then back again.  Suddenly his brain put one and one together and he managed to come up with two; _Ohhhhhh…_

 

“Why, of course that’s all right, Carter.  I’d be delighted if you took a few days off for the holidays.”  He looked from Carter’s flushed face to Dr. Rayne again, “As you know we try to keep things quiet around here during Christmastime.”  He turned back to Sam, “So I don’t want to see you again until after Christmas, is that clear?”

 

“I’m planning to come in Christmas day to see Cassie, sir.”

 

“Carter…”

 

“I’ll be coming in, _sir_.”  The harsh whisper brooked no argument.

 

“I’ll be here as well.”  Diane murmured.

 

Jack squinted briefly at the taller woman, openly assessing her.  He finally nodded, “Alright, then.”  He waved his hand in a grand gesture, “I don’t want to keep you ladies waiting.”

 

Sam turned to Diane, “I just need to drop off something to Doctor Lee then I’ll be right up.”

 

“I’ll get the car and meet you by the entrance, alright?”

 

Jack’s eyebrows arched so high on his forehead Diane thought they might actually come off.

 

Sam could barely refrain from rolling her eyes in annoyance, “ _Please_ shut up,” she mumbled as she hurried down the corridor.

 

“That’s please shut up, SIR!”  He called after her.

 

The elevator doors opened and Jack motioned for Dr. Rayne to enter, “Mind if I ride up with you?”

 

“Not at all.” She answered as she walked past.  Jack regarded the woman as he followed, noting how the exquisitely tailored suit fit the woman’s elegant form and how beautifully she was put together.  All the way down to those shapely legs that reached all the way down to the fl….

 

“Hold the door, please!”

 

A young-looking airman, her arms full of files, ran for the elevator but stopped abruptly at the stern expression on the general’s face,

 

“I’ll, uh… catch the next one.”  She mumbled as the doors slid shut.

 

“So,” He turned to Diane, “You and Carter dating?”

 

“I don’t know if that’s any of your business, General.” Then added when she saw the older man bristle; “In any event, that’s a question best left for Sam to answer, isn’t it?”

 

Jack squinted and nodded, “Okay, fair enough, I just need you to know if you two _do_ …” his brain struggled to find the right words, “ _get together_ , then I’m telling you, you had better take good care of her.”  Just one eyebrow rose on his forehead, “ _Are we clear_ , Doctor?”

 

She smiled appreciatively, “I think you’re supposed to give me that speech when I ask for her hand in marriage.”

 

This time both Jack’s eyebrows arched high on his forehead, “Are you planning on asking her to marry you?”

 

“If I do, are you the person I need to ask?”

 

Jack considered that for a moment as the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open, “Yes… yes, I am.” He answered.  Diane gave him a shy smile and turned to go when his soft voice stopped her, “She deserves to be happy, Doctor, and I think you could be good together but I’m warning you, don’t ever hurt her.  She’s been hurt enough, okay?”

 

“Yes, General; she has.” She held out her hand and Jack took it in an earnest grip, “But we hold each other’s hearts, and if she’ll let me I intend to take care of hers… always.”

 

***

 

“Daniel!  Vala!”  Cassie shouted and threw herself at the couple.

 

“Happy Christmas!”  Vala wrapped herself around the teen and squeezed.

 

Cassie laughed, “And congratulations to the First-time Mom and Dad…”

 

Both Sam and Janet entered from the kitchen and chuckled as the couples greeted each other.  Sam couldn’t help but notice that Daniel hadn’t stopped grinning since they left PeredaVoy.  A smiling General Hammond had been waiting for them at the bottom of the ramp to congratulate the four happy parents-to-be when they emerged through the gate, and for one, long hysterically funny moment Sam thought Daniel was going to dislocate the general’s shoulder from shaking the man’s hand so hard.

 

Christmas Eve Dinner was a fun, raucous event; the happy couples still giddy as they ate and laughed,

 

“So can I help decorate my room for the baby?”

 

“Oh, no, Cassie honey,” Janet placed the last plate of fudge in front of Vala, “We’re converting my office into the baby’s room….”

 

“Thank you,” Vala quickly interjected, “but I’m not done with the turkey just yet.”

 

“Oh… sorry.” Janet pulled the fudge off to one side then turned back to her daughter, “So you’re keeping your room.  There’s no way you’re just going to drop by for the occasional visit after you graduate.”

 

“You know,” Daniel leaned toward Vala, “You’re not supposed to eat the bones…”

 

“Funny, my darling,” Vala rolled her eyes as she pulled the bare wishbone from her lips, “A real laugh riot you are.”

 

Daniel turned to Cassie, “And I thought she ate a lot _before_ she got pregnant.”

 

“I’ve only been pregnant for nine hours!”

 

“My point exactly.”

 

Cassie laughed and then turned to Janet, “So you’re saying after I graduate I have to move back here so I can what, be a full-time sitter for you guys?”

 

“Not just _their_ baby,” Vala pushed the platter with the turkey skeleton back to the middle of the table, “Our baby too.”

 

“Yes,” Daniel chimed in, “And I believe Janet wants a crack at this being-pregnant-business too, don’t you, Janet?”

 

“Wow.”  Cassie sat back in her chair, “How many kids are the four of you planning to have?”

 

“What’s the limit?”  Vala mumbled around a piece of fudge.

 

“What?”

 

“What?”

 

“What-kumph?”  Sam, Janet and Daniel asked the question at the same time, but it was Daniel who choked as he turned to her, one hand pressing against the wine he inadvertently snorted into his nose.

 

“Is there a limit on this planet?”

 

Janet laughed as Sam answered her, “No, Vala…” then she turned to Janet, “But it does kinda’ seem like a waste to blow for all that education just to turn her into our babysitter.”

 

“Hmm,” Janet shrugged into her wine glass while Cassie chuckled, “at least she’d be home then, but alright,” she placed the glass on the table, “You can go save the world or something after you graduate…”

 

“Gee, thanks, mom.”  Cassie snickered.

 

“Then it’s back here…”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll just keep you grounded till the kids are grown.”

 

Sam had tears in her eyes from trying to laugh quietly.

 

“Mom!”  Cassie laughed, “I’ll be like, forty!”

 

Janet gave her a droll look as she picked up the turkey platter and headed for the kitchen, “You say that like it’s a problem.”

 

***

 

Cassie’s lips pressed together in a sneer.  She lay quietly in her bed but her hands gripped the blanket, her fingers twisting in the fabric.  _Laugh, all they do is laugh….  Laugh and… and…._   Cassie withdrew her consciousness and forced herself to take slow, even breaths.  _Just listen_ , she admonished herself, _just calm down, pay attention and listen…._

 

~

 

Sam had gone to Diane’s early on Christmas Eve and they spent the day alternately making love and resting in each other’s arms, sweaty limbs and bodies intertwined beneath the sheet.  Diane often reawakened their passion by giving Sam a massage; they were sensual massages to be sure, but it gave her a chance to learn the intricate, intimacies of Sam’s body.  She worshiped her flesh as she kissed and tongued the scars, learning which ones were still sensitive and those that made her moan in either delight or arousal.   Her hands smoothed over the planes and curves, feeling the tense muscles relax under her ministrations, lavishing particular attention on her shoulder, arms and hands.

 

And Sam was learning Diane’s geography as well; wrapping her weakened arm around her, she used her left hand and lips and mouth to cover her body with feather-light kisses, caressing and nuzzling the soft mounds of her breasts and backside with her cheeks, her lips, the palm of her hand.  Diane was delighted that Sam expressed such enjoyment for the taste, and frankly, abundance of her ejaculate as well.  Rene, her ex, had been anything but turned on by Diane’s particular endowment and during their time together had, on at least two occasions, made cutting remarks about her “wetting the bed like a six-year old.”  But Sam reveled in the hot cum that burst from her in long, thick waves.  She made Diane sit on the edge of the bed so could she kneel on the floor and feast between her legs, sometimes thrusting a vibrator deep inside, pressing her face tight against her as Diane’s hips bucked uncontrollably as she climaxed, gripping the sheets and writhing as she panted and cried out while Sam hungrily drank from her like a woman dying of thirst.

 

When she awakened she realized her face was buried in blond and she breathed in deeply through her nose, humming happily when she exhaled.

 

“Are you finally awake?”

 

Diane smiled and tightened her arms, “Mmm, yes, my love…”

 

Soft lips covered her own and she parted them readily, feeling Sam’s tongue languidly sweep inside her mouth.  She rolled them over so Sam was lying on her right side, “Let’s wake up this way…” She whispered softly as her fingers stroked through soft curls and between equally soft folds.  Sam hummed appreciatively and pressed closer, her left hand making the same exploration over Diane’s mound.  Diane drew her leg over Sam’s hip as their fingers pushed further and their tongues stroked each other harder.  Sam moaned low in her throat when Diane finally pushed two fingers inside and began stroking the inner walls while her thumb stroked her rigid clit.  She shifted slightly and did the same, slipping two long fingers deep inside Diane and firmly rubbed her clitoris.  As passions mounted their breathing increased; forcing their lips apart, making them pant into each other’s mouths as they undulated against the fingers that pumped and curled inside and the thumbs that forced back clitoral hoods and madly rubbed the stiffened nerve bundles.  Diane threw back her head and grunted loudly as she climaxed, rolling herself on top of Sam in order to coat her with her cum,

 

 _“Y-y-yes!”_   Sam croaked, straining to look between their bodies so she could watch the ejaculate fill her hand and spill over onto her hip, _“Oh! Oh…”_ Was all her brain could manage; the power and beauty of Diane’s orgasms shook her to her core and her eyes traveled from Diane’s quaking, exploding center, up her trembling body and finally stopped to take in the waves of ecstatic, pleasure/pain as it washed over her features…  As Sam’s heart swelled from sheer joy she could feel her eyes brim and with a grunt she pushed her fingers inside as far they would go and curled them, stroking the pebbly patch with the pads of her fingers.  Diane’s curled fingers pumped furiously inside, and a look of pure bliss washed over Sam’s face as she arched back, her mouth open wide in a silent scream as she came, her body finally giving way to the bucking convulsions that eventually slowed to quakes and jerks and shudders. 

 

“Oh…” Diane sighed against her, “Oh my…” she murmured again and dipped her head to place a kiss against Sam’s lips.  She withdrew her fingers and rolled over onto her back, pulling Sam on top of her.  Sam laid her head on Diane’s chest and listened to her heartbeat and breathing as they slowed and Diane quietly licked her fingers clean, feeling lazy and utterly satisfied.  She had nearly fallen asleep when San finally pulled her fingers from her depths; making Diane emit an involuntary whimper.  Sam chuckled softly as she sucked the fingers in her mouth and moved her head back on the pillow so she could look up at Diane,

 

“Don’t worry,” she teased her, “I can always put them back in later.”

 

Diane snorted, smiling and pulled Sam’s hand onto her chest.  As she looked into a sea of soft blue it suddenly occurred to her Sam’s hand was _still_ on her chest; the tremor was gone.  Still smiling, she reached for Sam’s other hand and pulled it against her belly, stroking it softly, no tremor in that one either.  _Might not be permanent,_ she thought, _but it’s a beginning._

 

“What?”

 

“This.”  Diane answered her and placed another lingering kiss against her lips.

 

~

 

They had slept in Christmas morning, after a long night of lovemaking it was nearly noon when the women showered and dressed.  Sam could smell bacon when she walked into the kitchen,

 

“Oh my god,” she groaned, “that smells good.” She wrapped her arms around the taller woman where she stood in front of the stove.

 

“Good.”  Diane smiled as she turned in her arms, “Bacon then, with eggs and toast?”

 

“Mmm, definitely.”  Sam whispered and placed a quick kiss against her lips, “Thank you for last night,” she struggled not to become lost in the blue depths, “and thank you for a wonderful Christmas, Diane… I never really thought I’d ever enjoy this holiday or… or have love in my life… ever again, you know?”

 

Diane smiled and ran a hand through still-damp locks, “I love you, Samantha Carter.”

 

“And I love you.”  Sam’s eyes shone as she pulled away, “And I have a present for you…” She walked into the living room and dug into a bag she had hidden behind a chair the night before.

 

“Sam, I thought we weren’t exchanging gifts…”

 

Sam shrugged one-sided, suddenly shy as she handed over a brightly wrapped box, “I know, but… just open it.”

 

Diane moved to sit at the dining room table and tore gently at the colorful wrapping paper; “Oh Sam, this is amazing, thank you…” She opened the box containing a very expensive-looking digital camera.

 

“Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t have.”  Sam sat in the chair next to her, “I want to make a life with you, Diane.  And…  and if you want that too then I’m ready to make new memories, and I’d like to try and capture some of them here, so we can revisit them, from time to time.”  She finished lamely, gently clasping the hand that held the camera.

 

Diane smiled and leaned in for a kiss, “Then I hope this thing has a lot of memory, because I expect to be filling it with a lifetime of memories, Sam.”  She put the camera on the table and leaned in for another kiss and placed Sam’s hand against her heart, “But I think I’ll be holding most of them _right here_.”

 

~

 

Diane felt nervous as Sam clicked open the clasps on the black sling and slid it off.  She handed it to her, “Hold this for me, okay?”

 

Diane only nodded; it was obvious Gen. O’Neill was nervous as well by the tense look on his face and the extra security forces that lined the hallway.  He paced the area in front of the additional closed circuit monitors he ordered placed in the hall outside Cassie’s reinforced room, his eyes unconsciously stealing looks at the special kill-switch he had Dr. Lee install that would flood Cassie’s room with an anesthetic gas.

 

Sam flexed her arm and turned to walk up the stairs of the observation room,

 

“Carter.” The general kept his voice low as he walked towards her.

 

“I’ll just be a few minutes, sir.”  She held up her good hand to stop him and shrugged, “If it’s anything like last year I’ll only be a minute.”  She snorted self-deprecatingly.  She turned and walked slowly up the stairs and apprehensively Jack and Diane watched her go.   Once in the observation room she sat in the chair and activated the microphone,

 

“Hey, Cassie?  Merry Christmas.”

 

Cassie was lying on her bed, reading a book and she rolled her eyes expressively before lowering the book onto her chest, “Why, Merry Christmas, Sam.”  She opened her eyes wide in feigned surprise, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “Didja’ bring me lots of Christmas treats?”

 

Sam licked her lips; this wasn’t going to go well, “No, but I…”

 

“‘Cause you know there’s only one thing I want, don’t you, Sam?”

 

Sam nodded; her eyes downcast and she felt her throat close, “Please, I just…”

 

“No, Sam!  _You please!”_   Cassie felt her face flush with heat as the rage rose within her, “You know there’s only one thing I want for Christmas, don’t’ you… I want my mother back, but you can’t give me that, can you?”  Sam’s eyes closed in resignation and pain, “No, because you just had to walk your fat ass into a battle with the Goa’uld and get your squad blown to hell…”

 

Diane felt her heart break; from where she stood in the doorway at the bottom of the stairs she could see the pain, sorrow and guilt that flooded her love’s face, and from the corner of her eye she could see the general’s face become suffused with rage as he listened to the teen rant.

 

“Cassie, please, I just thought we could…”

 

“We could, what?  Talk about old times, and how much I miss her?  _Well, I miss her!_   I miss her because you had to call for a medical team to come help your sorry ass and _SHE GOT KILLED!”_   She strode toward the glass, her pointing, jabbing finger accusing, _“Your fucking incompetence got her killed, Sam!  IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!”_

 

 _“That’s it.”_   Jack hissed and headed for the stairs but Diane stopped him, blocking the doorway,

 

“Let Sam come out on her own.”  She said in a low voice; it was not a request, and enraged stormy-gray locked with steely, resolute blue.  She placed a restraining hand on his chest, “I know it’s hard, but please wait…”

 

“She’s fucking dead because of you.”

 

Diane’s eyes closed in pain at Cassie’s words and when she opened them again Jack could see they were brimming, “Wait.”

 

“I loved her, Cassie,” Sam’s voice was choked with tears when she finally spoke, “And I miss her too… more than you’ll ever know.”  Her voice broke but she continued, “But can’t we love her, miss her and still live our lives?  Wouldn’t she want that?  She wouldn’t want you to be in here, Cassie…”

 

“I’m only in here because of you.”

 

Sam sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve, “Would she want you to stay in here, angry… your whole life, kiddo?”  She looked down at the microphone, tears dripping from her eyes, “I understand why you want to keep punishing me, Cassie.  But she loved you… I love you…”

 

“Oh, shut the fuck up and _get out_.  My mother is dead, _you got her killed, end of story_ , _Sam_ ; you might as well have pulled the trigger yourself.  Merry fucking Christmas to you, now get the fuck out.”

 

Sam quietly clicked off the microphone and swiped at the tears on her face with her sleeve as she rose from the chair and left the booth.  Diane and Jack waited for her at the bottom of the stairs.

 

“Carter…” Jack grimaced and looked first down at his hands then away, down the hallway; words were lost to him.

 

Silently, Diane slid the black sling back up Sam’s arm and positioned the straps over her shoulder and around her waist, quietly clicking the clasps together.  Sam tried to speak but her throat had closed in on itself; she pressed trembling lips together and shook her head miserably from side to side,

 

Diane pulled an arm around her waist and guided her down the hallway, “All you can do is try, Sam.” She whispered past the lump in her throat.

 

Sam only nodded bleakly as another tear slid silently down her face and she swiped at it and sniffed. One of the posted airmen had called for the elevator and held the door open for the women as they approached.  Diane nodded her thanks as they passed and waited until the doors closed before she pulled Sam close and placed a kiss against her temple,

 

“What can I do, my love?”

 

Sam sighed and leaned tiredly against her.  Sniffing again she pulled Diane’s hand to her lips and placed a kiss against her long fingers, “Please take me home.”

 

***

 

Cassie hugged and squeezed her parents as hard as she could, “I’m so excited for you.”  She stepped back, smiling as the three women held hands, “I can’t wait to tell the guys when I get back, Teal’c will probably cry.”

 

Sam snickered and Janet poked her in the ribs, “Hey, now,” she scolded, “he probably will if he’s anything like our Teal’c here.”

 

Sam nodded, “I know,” she conceded and then pulled the teen close for another hug, “So, New Years Eve?”

 

“New Years Day, you bet.”

 

“Why not New Years Eve?”  Janet pulled the teen to her for another hug as well.

 

“Because Cassie and I both have dates that night so we won’t be here.”

 

“Oh really?”  Both women’s eyebrows arched high on their foreheads, Janet’s hands firmly planting on her hips, “Funny, she failed to mention that.”

 

Cassie visibly winced, “Oh crap, uh… yeah, well.”  She stepped forward to awkwardly pat both women on the shoulder, “But I’m going to see you the day after so…we’ll talk then, okay?”  She stepped back, gesturing over her shoulder with her thumb, “I’m just gonna’ step back into my room… I mean _her_ room so we can switch back, and so I can, uh… _warn her_ …so I’ll see you then, okay?”  She waved and made a beeline for Cassie’s bedroom.

 

Janet turned to Sam, the look of exasperation still on her face, “Can you believe…”

 

Sam laughed aloud and pulled her into a hug, “Oh, come on,” she snorted, “What did you want to do on New Years Eve when you were her age?”  Janet refused to answer and Sam added, “I remember bringing in the New Year once by making out in the dark with Amy… Meyerson was her name, I think.”

 

Janet buried her head in her chest and mumbled, “Doesn’t sound very memorable.”

 

Sam chuckled softly, “It wasn’t I guess, I think I was only eighteen at the time.”  She pulled Janet over by the tree and they stood looking at the twinkling lights and the ornaments they had collected over the years, their arms wrapped loosely around each other,

 

“Still, I’d rather she didn’t do that until we release her from her babysitting duties when she’s forty.”

 

Sam laughed and dipped her head for a kiss.  They kissed sweetly, and Janet smiled against her mouth as she slid a hand inside the waistband of Sam’s jeans and stroked the soft skin of her belly.  Sam hummed and sighed when they broke apart,

 

“Mmm,” Janet murmured softly against her chest, “What shall we name this baby girl?”

 

“I know we haven’t talked about this in a long time,” Sam sighed, her eyes closed in utter contentment, “But could her middle name be Grace?”

 

~

 

_“Okay, you ready?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“I’m really sorry I blew it about New Years.”_

_Cassie snorted resignedly, “Oh, its okay.  It’s just, well, you know how mom is, Sam will be cool with it but mom’ll give me grief.”_

_“Will she let you go to the party?”_

_“Oh sure, but I’ll definitely get the lecture; and The Look…”_

_“Yeah, she’s got The Look down cold...”_

_“Yep,” the other Cassie smiled, “That’s why we love her.”_

_Cassie chuckled and shrugged, “Did they like the peppermint brownies?”_

_“Loved ‘em.  Hopefully they’ll leave some for ya’.”  Making the other Cassie snort,_

_“Told’ja….  Okay, so… ready?”_

_“Yeah, let’s do it…”_

 

Cassie’s eyes suddenly flew open and she flew backward onto the mattress she was sitting on.  Slowly, she sat back up and looked down at her white hospital pajamas before turning her head to look cautiously around the bedroom,

 

“Oh my god,” she breathed, “it worked.”

 

***

 

Cassie’s eyes suddenly flew open and she flew backward onto the mattress she was sitting on.  Slowly, she sat back up and turned her head to look around the gray, sterile room,

 

_“Oh shit.”_

_“What?  What’s wrong?”_

_“I’m not in my room.”_


End file.
